What the heck are gDiapers?

"In fifteen years, I'm going to hate you for this, Mom."

I go on and on about using gDiapers. I sound like a freakin' commercial, but I talk about them because I really like using them. I feel like I'm not only being environmentally responsible, I'm being fiscally responsible. And I like responsible. I'm not all about convenience. If I were, I'd shoot my dog Simon into the sun. He is very inconvenient.

But let me tell you a bit about why I like this product so much;

This is my kid in his newborns.
Kind of makes me realize how
much he's grown.

He's well into his mediums now. :( Stahp growing baby!)

gDiapers are local to me. They are created by a company in Portland, Oregon. They work as follows:  There are the gPants. It is a cloth diaper 'cover' of sorts that has velcro closures that close towards the back (the g is on the bum).  Inside that diaper are waterproof pouch liners. In the pants for babies bigger than newborns, these pouches snap in.  In the newborn sized pants, the pouches are sewn-in.  There are boxes of six snap-in pouches for sale too, so if your baby soils the liner, all you have to do is wash that bit and replace that part rather than wash the diaper.  They also get stained and manky after a lot of use, so it's nice to have replacements.

He is comfortable in his pants. Rarely ever gets rashes, and the hemp cloth
inserts are soft, soft, soft.

These liners can be replaced. They act as the holder for the inserts.  There are two different kinds of insert; the cloth insert, known as gCloth inserts, and the disposable inserts, known as gRefills. There are also liners called gCloth liners which can be used over the cloth inserts so if the baby does number two, it can be conveniently peeled away and flushed with the liner.

The disposable inserts are also flushable (the interior part of them). The inserts are biodegradable. So already, you are being kind to your landfills. And there are some folks who have been known to compost them.

gPants can range from $14 - $22 a pair depending on how you buy them (in bundles, individually or in sets) and how fancy they are (some have ruffles for girls and gDiapers sells unique styles on their website sometimes -- see below), they don't come cheap. I recommend that if you want a good buffer for usage, you have at least eight to twelve pairs in the lower sizes (nb, s, m)... I can't speak for the larges and extra larges yet, but I imagine you will be changing less frequently so fewer pants would be required. But I could be wrong.  The best deal you can get is to buy a bundle pack. If you are pregnant, there is the Newborn Bundle, which includes twelve pairs of newborn sized gPants, six pairs of small gPants, and two packages of disposable inserts and a swish stick. They do not include gCloth inserts.  There is a 'sweet bundle' that gives you four packets of disposable inserts and six pants... also a good deal and great when you are transitioning to a new size. The website has revolving deals too, so always watch for them.

Velvety!

gCloth inserts are not cheap, but two packages of six ought to set you up, and like the disposables, they work in a variety of gPants sizes. For instance, the smalls will work in the newborns (kind of) and the small pants.  Do not throw them away or sell them when you are done with those sizes, they can be used in the medium and larger pants as double-ups if need be!  The large gCloth inserts work in the three larger sizes, medium, large and xlarge.  So if you buy two boxes of six, you're pretty much set. I understand that also several kinds of other prefolds work in gDiaper covers. I don't know which ones but it warrants research.

It seems complicated. It really isn't. If you do it right, you hardly use the disposables at all.  I use the cloth inserts when we are home during the day. All day. They are washed in a revolving cycle. I use disposables only when we are out and about (I keep the diaper bag stocked), because nobody wants to mess with cloth diapers when moving about. It's nice and easy to just toss or flush as needed when you are on the go.  I also use the disposables during the night, because with cloth diapers, the baby will feel being wet very quickly.  The disposables keep them comfortable through the night.  If I'm doing it right, we hardly go through a package of disposables more than every two to three weeks (my husband uses the disposables constantly, it's hard to get him to use cloth for some reason).

Recently sold all these plus those below for $75 - a good deal
for the buyer, for sure.

Note the extra snap-in pouches on the center-top.

What's cool is that when your baby outgrows their stuff, you can resell it. There's a big resale community for gDiapers, you just need to find it. Some second-time-round baby shops also carry them. So you don't have to buy them new all the time. I resold mine for cheap, my 11 newbies (kept one pair as a souvenir) and 10 smalls for about $75 (I threw in some extras, a few gCloths and some leftover small inserts).

I have my changing station all set up for the gDiapering process.

Baby's room is 90% IKEA. The Pyssingar storage set is cute & perfect for
their changing table.

The Lattsam set comes with three containers, two of which hang from the
table edge. The little waste bin is perfect for clean disposable inserts.
My wipes are in a warmer on a cabinet next to the table.

I don't buy gDiapers' wipes. We get some irresponsible ones from Costco for $20 for 900 wipes. Shame on us! I just can't justify the extra cost. Even if these aren't environmentally kind.

Your cost savings are not immediate. Especially in the beginning when you have a fast-growing newborn, where you will burn through disposables pretty quickly, and during pants-purchasing time. But purchasing slows down after five or six months, and you will have to replace new pants more slowly as your child's growth dials it down. New Seasons and some other retailers carry gDiaper products, so you can get them for a bit cheaper than the website.  You can get sets of two gPants for $27 for instance, in cute colours and stripes sometimes. :)  But your savings are in the long run. Once you get those cloth inserts, your expenses will slow down. You don't have to buy new ones very often. So spending $30 or $60 now can save you money later. If you use your cloth inserts exclusively and mete out the disposables for the diaper bag, you can save a lot of money.  They will probably never be as cheap as disposable diapers in general. Nor will they be as convenient, but for one they will have a much better impact on the environment for one. And for two, your sustainability rate is much better when you are laundering your own diaper inserts. Also, your child's body will be less exposed to harsh chemicals, synthetic fabrics and less prone to diaper rash. They also don't leak hardly at all. Only a few times, when he was in transition phase, almost too big for his smalls and too small for his mediums did we deal with some leakage, and only when he fell asleep on his side. They even contain poo-splosions pretty darned well.  Some people make do with six pairs of pants perfectly well after the newborn phase, if you are on top of it, and doing laundry often. The fact that you can recoup some money be resale of the gPants and gCloth inserts is also a bonus.

If you want *some* convenience, you do save some money by ordering your inserts in boxes of four packages, and they can be automatically shipped. They often have sales too, where they are only $12 a package.  It saves you the trip to the store and it takes a while to go through a whole box if you stick to the cloth-inserts.

I'm one of those people that has no problem doing things that are a bit more complicated for the sake of being responsible. I like that I am supporting a local business. I like that I can throw these inserts away and feel okay about that ... or compost them if I want... or flush them if I need to.  I like that otherwise, I can peel away and flush solids from the cloth inserts, and then toss them into the laundry, and end up with a soft, floofy insert that cleans beautifully right out of the dryer.  It's a good product, and that's why I talk about it so much.  End of not-really-a-promo-post, really. Nobody paid me to do this. LOL.

Of teleportation and clothed cats

Irresistibly precious, this face.

My husband described to me the other day how someone had labeled the act of picking up a sleeping child and depositing them in bed as being 'teleported'. The person describing this was fondly reminiscing about falling asleep in one place and waking in another.

This teleporting has become a sweet routine for Alexander and I, for you see, the days of co-sleeping are done. I discovered that Alex sleeps more deeply without the disruption of larger bodies tossing and turning around him. It would wake him and set him to rooting for some comfort nursing.

A few weeks ago, we had a very busy Saturday, where we gave Alex very little chance to rest and nap. But come bedtime, he was keyed up and as bright-eyed and bushy tailed as could be. Both exhausted and unprepared to entertain him, my husband brought him into his own room to play out his energy in his crib.

To his surprise, Alex turned onto his side as soon as Dan put him in bed, blinked his eyes a few times, and promptly fell asleep. I had already passed out myself having had little sleep the night before. Dan came to bed. Next thing we know, it's six AM and Alex had slept the night through in his own bed.

I've remained determined since to continue the trend, and have put him in bed at 8 PM every night since. He wakes only once, always around 11:30ish, where his cries are more substantial than the brief winging of sleep cycle transition. I get him, carry him to bed, let him nurse himself back to sleep, and then put him back on his crib to sleep 'til morning.

This ritual is deeply wonderful. When I go to fetch him, he is clingy and drowsy, crying with impatience as I nestle in beside him to nurse. He nuzzles in and drinks deeply and soundly, his draws growing softer and fainter as he submits to sleep again. Then he rolls over onto his side, his back nested against me, and falls into a deep slumber.

I then slip out of bed and gently gather him up into my arms. There is truly nothing more precious than the warm, dangly limbed, neck nuzzlingness of a sleeping baby. I slide him into his bed, and he rolls onto his side or into the fetal position on his belly, and sleeps on.

I won't lie... I still wake up in blind panic because he isn't there. I still go in at 2:00 am to check on him. I still ask my husband as he is leaving at 4:30 am to look in on him too. But for the first time since early pregnancy... I am getting eight hour nights now and then. Interrupted, yes... But not like before.

Hood Strawberries made into baby food. Fresh and seasonal.

 Summer is here. I am trying to take time to make up some crafty goods to fill a table for a fair held locally. The bookshop closing has brought back what remains of my consigned artwork, so I figured those framed prints, my unframed ones, some bookplates, jewelry if I have time, and dolls from my spoonflower fabric, and I can make a few bucks. Let's see what I can finish before August.

  

These cats are in progress. They will be clothed.

These sheep are for my sister. They will be sent to Pensacola for pelts.

Life goes on, as they say. I had a stellar weekend at Hood River with my ORS chums, sailing the tall ships and flouncing about in costume. Alex accompanied me as usual, and was spoiled by everyone. He has many adoring aunties.

I too was spoiled on my first Mother's Day, so I am resolved to do something special for Dan too. Baby J has begun calling his father 'Da'. We thought at first it was coincidence since he has been articulating in Babyese lately... But whenever Dan is out of sight, Alex twists around to find him and cries out 'Dadadadaaah!'. My husband is moved to tears every time. So it is for those who try and try for a child... When we get one, we are amazed and humbled by every thing they do.

Dan's granny, whose dementia is worsening daily, and who cannot keep track of who is alive or who isn't, who can't recognise everyone, still knows to ask how the baby is, even if she forgets that the person she is asking is her grandson. My own mother is still transformed as well.

We have taken to writing a journal for Alex to read later on. So we can properly show him how loved and wanted he is.

Other than that, things are generally the same. I have lost a good friend because I have realized that in our difference of age, we speak different languages.  I don't stop loving people though, when things break down. So it is what it is. Life is about falling, getting back up, dusting off one's knees and marching on. I do not regret or hold bitterness about what was largely, a wonderful thing. No sense holding onto the crappy stuff. That drives people to drink... Or worse... To religion. LOL.

The digitalis/foxgloves have overtaken this year.
The absence of trees and late rains most likely are the cause.
there are hundreds. So beautiful.

Puree-a-palooza

We've entered the land of the solids. I started Alex the first time at five months, but did not continue because he became constipated and I was pretty sure his digestion wasn't quite ready for it yet. Also, he just didn't like the food very much.  Of course at that time, I had no idea how picky my boy is. :)

The Baby Bullet - Not entirely necessary but definitely a cute
little set.

We got the Baby Bullet system for Alex before he was born. It's been waiting for this moment to be taken out of the cabinet and put to use.  If you have a blender or a Cuisinart, you probably don't need to spend the sixty bucks for this. An ice cube tray and a blender is fine. But since we don't have a blender, and my little Cuisinart is a chopper not a puree maker, getting this set was a plus. And it comes with six of these adorable smiley feeding jars.

The freezing tray and some assorted frozen meals, vacuum
saved and ready to to pop into the little cup, and forty five seconds
in the microwave.

The blendery part makes a really smooth food. And it's good to know exactly what is going into my child's stomach. So far, his favourite is sweet potato. That he will chomp happily from his little spoon. Anything with the brown rice cereal, he is no big fan of. Even if it is blended with banana.  His likes: sweet potato, butternut squash. Iffy: pear, carrot and apple. No go: anything with rice cereal. It's a bummer because I went through all this trouble finding brown rice cereal that wasn't one of the brands that has arsenic issues. I went with Bob's Red Mill, which is sourced from California. I'm hoping he'll develop a taste for it as we go along.

What's this? Pear? What's pear?

Umm... Not so sure about this.

Yeah, no.

I don't think so.

These carrots aren't any better.

Sadly, the side effect of solids is that the nicely innocuous yeasty scentless breast milk poops are now a thing of the past.  His emissions are now quite smelly and gross.  Oh well. The price of growing up. I wish he'd stop. I want him to be eensy weensy again. My little frog-leggy baby ball... he's growing too fast. He's grabby, and he rolls around, on the edge of crawling.  He has been standing for about two months already. And we took him swimming recently. Normally Alex hates the bath, he screams and cries like we're putting him in a vat of Hydrochloric Acid. I expected him to scream the same way at the pool, but instead, he had a blast.  Here's a cute video:

Here he is having a giggle fest at my bad Dracula noises. For some reason, it cracks him up to hear it.

Improvised yumminess, tulips and reminiscing.

The Kitchen Sink Casserole 
Thrown together when I had no ideas and a spare Pantry

A package of Apple Chicken sausage
2 1/2 cups of Gruyere cheese (grated)
One of those kid-lunch sized thing of whipping cream
Milk (I just eyeballed the amount)
Some rigatoni-like pasta (I used the short, squanty ones)
Head of cauliflower
Nutmeg
Salt
Pepper
A tablespoon of flour
A tablespoon of butter
A sprinkle of panko

First: Broil the sausages until they're done.
Then: Steam the cauliflower until it's tender
Then: Boil the pasta until it's al dente.

Sauce:
Melt butter in saucepan.
Whisk in the flour to make a roux
Whisk in the whipping cream in dollops to avoid making
unwanted dumplings.

Add salt, pepper and grate up some nutmeg to taste.

Add milk until you have a creamy, only slightly
saucy consistency (it'll thicken more when baking).

Add 2 cups of cheese. I threw in a little leftover block of
sharp cheddar too, and some medium cheddar just
for fun.  I left 1/2 cup of the grated cheese aside.

Whisk the sauce until the cheese is completely melted into it.
(lift up the whisk and there should be no cheesy strings)

Meanwhile, cut your sausage into wheels, put into casserole dish.
Cut your cauliflower into little florets and add to dish.
Add drained pasta.  Mix it up.

Sprinkle with more salt and pepper and nutmeg.

Pour sauce over the food in the casserole dish.
Top with last 1/2 cup grated cheese and panko.

Bake at 450 for 25 minutes.

Enjoy. :)

On Sunday, hubby and I packed the baby into the car, slid by the assisted living facility and picked up grandma Peteranecz (aka Satan) and headed to Woodburn, where there is the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival.  I expected it to be ... bigger, I guess. I'm used to the fields in Holland, where there are tulips as far as they eye can see... and god it was crowded.  But we still had a lovely time.

Alex was bundled up. It was cool out there.

My baby boy in the flowers.

It was nice. We didn't stay too long, there were a lot of people, and we didn't have money to go and spend in the gift shop or whatever. There was a group of Harley Davidson riders there. I will be honest, I just don't get them. Is there some kind of hidden agreement when they buy the bike that they should look as douchebaggy and dirtbaggy as possible when riding it.  Even the women look that way. They look like skanky men.  They were amongst hordes of families enjoying the tulips, talking at the top of their lungs about crass subjects.  This guy with grizzled hair in a ponytail, decked out in chaps and studs and skulls shouted: Tit inspector! Take 'em out! HAHAHAHA. ::eyeroll:: They were a blot of darkness obstructing a river of families and children flowing around them. They took twenty minutes to leave, finding it necessary to start up their bikes and to rev them repeatedly to make as much as spectacle of themselves as possible.  I don't get the harley types.

Anyway... on the 17th, my little pumpkin completed his fifth month in this world.  I was sifting through my husband's photos, and found these from the morning of November 17th, 2012. Nine-ish. :)  Never mind how crappy I look... I was in labour for over 36 hours by the time he came 'round.

I was tired. So was my baby.

Deceleration

 My life is changing.  Every bit of it. From the sudden absence of an environment that has been the norm for seven years; my old job, to the stream of creative energy, which has been dampened (but not dead) since I got pregnant.  It's okay, change is good. Change is inevitable, and I will adapt. The things I love are not vanished but they are ... paused.

I'm home. Almost always, and that's okay. With a new(ish) baby (7 weeks old yesterday), you retrench, and you are beholden to him.  I am where he needs me to be. Prepared to feed him when he cries out in hunger, prepared to change him when he protests his state of being, and always there to cuddle and love on this precious little life form that came from us.

Christmas is come and gone. We had a sprinkling of snow just to make it whimsical. But it didn't stay long. Today there were only a few blobs of snow here and there, and there were none on our little promenade. We took a walk around our 'block', and explored a dead-end street where this path led into a vacant property that was overgrown with mossy, drapey, lush and green life.  We had to turn back when the path was blocked by not just one, but two fallen trees.  Since we were pushing Baby J in the stroller, we could not go on.

We never get tired of filling up our phone galleries with pictures like this.  Baby J is always quite disposed to providing us with pose after pose, baby versions of the Blue Steel and Magnum. Teehee.  His sweetness comes with a thousand faces. Now that he's started smiling, now it's a race to capture that. It is beyond adorable.

Like I said before, even the bluster and sourness of the great Satan herself has been cowed by his charms.  She spends most of the time showing the baby off to every senior in residence; and she won't let anyone hold him. Hell, she barely even allows great Grandma Georgia to hold him.  When she does, she hovers, like a fussy nursemaid, worrying that Grandma might not be holding him correctly. She takes every chance she can to snatch the child out of her arms. The selfishness is still there, but at least she isn't a bloody monster. She is actually tolerable to be around.

My husband took this picture today.  His desk is on the other side of the sofa bend, so I propped the little one up there so he could spy on his father who was at his computer.  I'm sitting there behind him with my hand on his bum, holding him there.  The boy was curious about the phone as my husband snapped this picture.  Mr. Crankypants has good days and bad days. Today was a good day. Good mood, lots of cooing and smiling and kicking of the legs.

One of my favourite images. Dan is cuddling Baby J.  I do love these boys with all of my soul.

Some sleepy-cuddly peaceful cuteness.

Incidentally, I am choosing to actually participate in a Month of Letters this year. Last year, I just wasn't able to. I am home now, I am in possession of quills, ink, wax seals and paper, so why not.  I encourage you to participate. I decided to do this the old school way, but there are no rules, really.  Click the image to the main page and sign up. You can find pen pals from all over the world to write to and receive correspondence from.  Keep the art of real letter-writing alive and join in. :)

[Update: Woops! Forgot to put link on the image. Shame on me!]

I am determined to do something creative this week. I will keep you all apprised if I do, since everything has slowed down to accommodate the new arrival.  I'm hoping there will be some slip back to normality at some point.  Every day he coalesces more and more into a whole person. His behaviour is less instinctive and more social.  Alexander is the center of my universe. Hopefully in time, he'd be willing to share. Reading Alicia Paulson's blog, I have no idea how she finds time to do anything.

I had to bid goodbye to someone very dear to me today, but do so quietly from a distance. My sweet horse, who my sister was caring for up until recently, has been sent to a new home.  My sister offered to take him when I discovered I was pregnant. Rather than have to lose him, it was a chance for us to retrench and figure things out. But circumstances changed, and my sister informed me that she couldn't keep him anymore, and that she needed to get rid of him and of her own horses, leaving me little opportunity to come up with options. So she re-homed him.  I can't say I'm not broken hearted, because I am. I am devastated, but I don't have time to wallow in self-pity.  The whole thing is something I dreaded but something I kind of expected.  But I am also relieved.  When the time comes when we are solvent enough to afford it and when my time isn't consumed by this little baby of ours, I will find another horse to love--and hopefully a better situation to keep him/her in.  But I will miss Tag.  Dearly.

Farewell big boy.

Warmest Holiday Wishes To All

We never did things like this in my family. Time to create some new traditions.  This is from Macy's downtown Portland. What an awesome Santa. :)  I misted up. I admit it.

Transitioning into motherhood

We are chillin'

In my twenties, I didn't think I’d ever want kids. I think after a childhood of seeing the perils of dysfunctional family, one grows into one’s youth filled with the sense that you too are going to repeat those mistakes.  But as my thirties dawned, all of a sudden, my priorities changed.  Now, I’m sitting here, with a small baby drifting off to sleep against my leg, after a night of cluster-feeding and crying, and realizing that no matter how difficult it is, I can cope.  I can look at Baby J’s bright little eyes and see what this is all for.  My fears of postpartum depression were unfounded. The anti-depressants prescribed to me just in case were unnecessary.

Baby J turned one month old yesterday. It doesn't feel like a month. That doesn't mean it’s been free sailing, Baby J is a bit of a Crankasaurus Rex.  His pediatrician, Dr. White, a guy who looks far too young to be a doctor, but who has a magic touch with babies, described this first period to me as ‘the fourth trimester’.  “By the size of his hips in proportion to his head, this baby, all babies are technically underdeveloped compared to babies of other species. In all truth, this baby should be gestated another three months. So understanding this, imagine that this child is really not ready for all of this…” he said, twirling his finger around to indicate the world of buzzing fluorescent lights and sirens blaring outside.  The first three months are going to be hard. And having a baby that is inordinately cranky means a little extra work.  Baby J’s most taxing issue is the cluster-feeding. What that means is he wants to eat frequently in spurts.  He’ll do all-night marathons of forty minute to one-minute apart feedings. I’m not getting a lot of sleep, which is par for the course for new parents—especially when breast feeding.

I have learned a great deal in trial by fire.  Here are a few lessons for new parents:

The Hospital – what you *really* need

For You:

I packed a couple of nightgowns, a robe, my slippers, some ‘sacrificial’ underwear, a bathroom kit and my Nook (and knitting for some odd reason).  What I really needed to bring? Maybe a robe and slippers would have sufficed. I never touched my reading or the knitting—it was a testament to my delusion. I thought I’d pop out a baby, and be larking about on my tippie toes cradling my baby in one arm and toting Mary Robinette Kowal’s latest book in the other while birds and forest creatures danced around me. LOL. Okay, I wasn't that deluded but I just didn't have any idea what to expect once the baby arrived. These are not the days of a big room full of babies where they stay most of the time while mom convalesces anymore. Now babies stay in the room with mom, and the nurses only take the baby to the nursery upon request for a maximum of three hours per day respite—something I never ended up taking advantage of because I figured it wasn't reality and I wouldn't get that option at home.

Auntie loves Alex

The nightgowns, which I picked specifically for their button-down fronts served mostly to make me feel comfortable in my own skin (let’s be real, those hospital gowns, practical as they may be, are not exactly pleasant to wear). The nightgowns I had also kind of made me look like a haggard Laura Ingalls.  But in all truth, the ‘net’ underwear the hospital provided were what I used, I never took out my own undies during my stay, and since I had to stay at the hospital longer for the unexpected Caesarean, two nightgowns wasn't enough—so I ended up using their maternity hospital gowns to supplement when my clean gowns ran out.

Giving birth is a messy business, and the hospital is well-equipped to provide for clean stuff if you don’t feel like having a gown for each day. The net panties can be tossed and do the job they’re designed for.

Bring soap and shampoo and the like too. Nothing feels better than a nice hot shower after all the ordeal of birth, surgery and all the trappings (catheter, tape, IVs, etc). As soon as they loosed me from that stuff, I was up and about, much to the nurses’ surprise—apparently most moms don’t get out of bed very quickly. I just wanted a god damned shower and it’s the first thing I did as soon as they gave me the okay.

The Baby:

You could walk into a hospital with nothing and be okay. Hospitals provide a good deal of support to new moms.  The moment you pop out the baby, he or she will have what they need regardless of what you tote into the hospital. The baby is diapered and swaddled, and given one of those cute little caps for their head. They provide wipes and diapers for the duration, and not only that, they send you home with a bunch of them. Since we opted to use gDiapers, we don’t use regular diapering products but what the hospital sent home with us is wonderful for emergency backup. I keep a packet in the diaper bag if Baby J happens to soil both of the g-Pants on an outing.

Since I chose to breastfeed, we didn't get any special bottle/formula support, but I’m pretty sure the hospital will help with that too.

My message is this, ultimately: Don’t panic.  Don’t go nuts.  You could show up at the hospital with your purse and that’s it, and you’d be okay, and the hospital would provide enough to give you a few days’ running start if you need it. So never fear.

Mom in law swoons

As for home… you don’t need a baby room for at least three months. We haven’t finished the baby room yet, and that’s fine. The bassinet (which we hardly use) is the only necessary purchase. We ended up getting a ‘Snuggle Nest’ because Baby J is happier closer to me, so we have a bed that fits on our bed where he sleeps between us. I know. I’m a sucker.

We actually change him on our sideboard in the dining room. LOL.  It works for now.  ::shrug:: Meh. 

I spend most of my days in my pajamas, and I feel like more of the time is spent with one of my boobs out and a baby latched onto it than not. Hehheh.

Being a mom so far is something I never could even begin to imagine or adequately describe.  All I can say is that no matter how tired, haggard and grumpy I am, one look at Baby J’s face is enough to send me into melting puddles of love.  This bright-eyed, alert, demanding little bugger has become the center of my world. I feel empty if he’s not near me. I live for the moments when he’s sprawled out on my belly, so relaxed his usually bunched-up froggy legs are stretched out and draped on me. I love to hold him against my chest when he’s just a little ball. This tiny (now 7lb 4oz) baby is so f*#%ing precious, it’s impossible to communicate the way I feel.  I sat him on my lap yesterday and he bent his head back to look up at me, and I nearly died from the cute.

He’s cranky. He’s beautiful. He’s precious. His feet are a freakin’ work of art they’re so damned adorable. I’m wholly, and utterly besotted. The mom-chemistry is raging inside me, and I’ve become one of those irritating people that can’t resist posting pictures of their baby constantly on Facebook, and talking incessantly about him. 

Even Satan is in love.

I still have to get a handle on my potty-mouth, but I have a bit of time to reprogram myself so my child doesn’t grow up cursing like a sailor.  And what’s more?  Baby J has brought out the best of everyone, including Satan.  My mother is utterly in love. The usually-child-hating cantankerous black hole of negativity has vanished (on the most part) and has been replaced by a gushing, fussing grandma that just can’t get enough of Baby J.  We stopped by the assisted living facility on our way home from the hospital with Baby J to introduce him to grandma and great grandma, and they were fighting over him.  LOL.

My world is irrevocably changed—but kind of not because of this new addition.  He has sort of fallen into his place in our household, and we both find ourselves looking at this tiny itty-bitty human being in wonder. We have a child! There’s a baby here, sitting on me. Where’d he come from?  Who is he going to be? Who knows? All I know is that every little coo and grunt he makes (even his baby pterodactyl noises) are precious to me.  Hell, even his little apple-sized butt is freaking adorable.

I’m a mom. Holy shit! Be afraid.