The Pacific Northwest: What To Do In The Event Of Snow

It begins with the coverage. Sponsored by Les Schwab.

Step 1:  The initial expected reaction, after hearing the news coverage, is to do exactly as follows: Begin by running around madly with your arms flailing.  As such:

Appropriate stages of emotional reactions expected during a PNW snow event
proportionate to actual snowfall amounts.

Be aware, however, that you should also be shrieking in horror. That is important to the process of surviving this storm.

2. Proceed directly to your nearest Les Schwab tire dealership, or any tire seller that has studded tires. Purchase four new studded tires for this single storm-event. Have them installed immediately onto your vehicle. Drive as if normal weather conditions in them, and proceed to still have an accident. And then proceed to destroy the roads with said tires until April.

The 'TaxPits' - $869 please. $$Ka-ching$$

3. From the tire dealership, proceed to your nearest grocery store, and buy enough food to carry you through the equivalent of the fallout period of a level 7 nuclear event (and don't forget the wine).

"I'm gonna starve to death."

Well, I guess that SwagRiffic Vino, from the vineyards of Delaware will have to do.

4. Proceed home, navigating as best you can around the other panicked drivers at regular speed. Be sure to gun your engine to avoid sliding, and stand on your brakes to stop. You should also continue trying to steer the vehicle when you are in a free slide.  Your car should have at least half of its value lost in damages, or be totaled in order to properly fulfill the requirements of proper weather-event preparation.

5. If you reach home alive, and hopefully without having killed anyone else in your blind panic, proceed to the television and turn it on to hear the weather coverage. Then proceed to the darkest corner of your home, and form the fetal position, while being bathed in the sound of news anchors spelling out in no certain terms, the end of humankind as we know it.

Bitchin', Snowin', Jeepin' and Horsin' around.

Yep, I am at it again. It's not exactly an office special this time.

So the surgical-hot-glue they used to seal up my incisions has finally come off in its entirety. I’ve been pretty grumped out about having those little pointed shards annoying me all day... I pried out the one from my belly button this morning and it was heavenly to be rid of that little bugger—it was the worst one. It sort of cracks me up to think of them with a hot-glue gun in the surgery room, squeezing the trigger like a bunch of middle-aged crafters in mom-jeans and 'I-give-up' hair making wall and door wreaths.  I stated on Facebook this morning that I am surprised I didn't lift my shirt to find a bird's nest with a fake chickadee and some country-style silk sunflowers glued onto my incision too.

I had to get up at this ungodly hour so my husband could drive me in. The night before last, an unexpected snowfall up in the cascades made my drive home most unpleasant. By the time I got to my town, I could hear the snow scraping the bottom of my car. I had to take a run at my street to get through the thick, slushy berm of snow created by the ploughs and then drive at ridiculous speeds on our little gravel road to make it to the driveway without bogging out in the deep, wet cascade concrete. I was successful however, and the Prius passed a number of unfortunate vehicles nosed off the side of the road into ditches that night, so it got a loving pat on the hood before I went into the house. The snow was so deep I had a log-shaped snowball rolling in front of my bumper when I finally slid into the parking spot next to our house. That was a first for me. LOL.

I think the best benefit of four-wheel-drive vehicles is not so much the four wheel drive action, it’s the bloody height. We knew when we bought the Pri that this would be an issue... they are low-riders. I’m glad we kept the other Jeep—or I would not be at work today. Poor Prius, although very much laudable for getting me home safe the night before last, was pretty much inundated by the deep snow by the next morning—so I ended up taking a snow-day yesterday. Our street is still unploughed as of today, so our only alternative was to get up super early today so hubby could take me in to work in the reliable Jeep. The snow had melted some and compacted down, but it was still pretty deep around the Prius; and the snow on the road is still way to high for Pri to nose through. Hopefully it will melt out a bit today. The Jeep will have to be the stand-in for now.




Jeep-a-boo.


They truly are incredible little cars, those Jeeps. Sure they’re gas-hogs, but they trundle through pretty much anything, even with the disadvantage of not having a locking differential (they only have power on the one front tire and one back tire—diagonally when in 4WD mode as hubby explains it). That Jeep has given us 100,000 miles of reliability and trustworthiness for really what amounts to very little in cost. Sure, we dumped $1,800 into a new transmission, and it’s needed its heating system and radiator replaced... but that Jeep commuted with me 75 miles a day every weekday (and more long drives on weekends and trips) for five years, it has tromped through snow events like a trooper, it has hauled the trailer of trash to the dump, it has tugged other vehicles out of stuckness and blazed trails through dense snow so others with less capable vehicles could follow. I love that Jeep.

What’s even better about this car is that it has improved in looks these past years. When I first got it, it had a black soft-top made by some obscure company that was falling apart. We got it a soft-top, and then traded that for a hard-top, and then hubby managed to find full doors to replace the half-doors, and we fixed a rust-spot on the tub, replaced the leaking seal-thing on the top of the window and now it’s a better package than it was when I got it in ’04 (yeah, with a few more miles on it, granted)... Jeeps are like giant erector-set toys or something. You can just keep building and adding onto them and they just get better and better.  Lifts, tires, racks, lights, winches, hooks... Possibilities are endless.  I have a hard time thinking about losing that little green trooper. If are ever in a situation where Jeepy buys the farm, we will probably replace it with another used Wrangler. As crappy as the mileage is, they are completely indispensible for where we live and for what we do. We have our sedan commuters who pack on the miles now; the Prius and the gifted Dodge Intrepid my mother gave us. They save us gas-money and work fine on the most part in all weather; but when the deep stuff arrives and the low-riders are snowed in, we have our trundly little Jeep to get us through. :) Not that I wouldn’t have preferred to just stay in bed this morning... but I suppose we all have to be responsible. ::grumble::

I took some time with Hubby to go see horsikins for a change. I missed him!!! I haven't spent hardly any time with him lately, and I'm full of guilt.  I haven't ridden since November, and he's lost all his muscle mass and looks like a huge Shetland pony again. ::GAR!!:: I worked him a bit on the longe and he was exploding with unspent energy.  It'll be a while before he looks like this again:

Fine lookin' horse if I say so myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to LITERALLY get back into the saddle this weekend... after running him prolifically on the longe first so he doesn't aggrivate my torn meniscus or recent surgery, etc., by throwing me.

Okay, I’m off.  Have to hit the road at this horrid early hour. The benefit, no traffic... Laters.

A 'scienterifical' study of cop evilness.

Once upon a time, I thought policemen were the cat’s meow. They were awesome in their pockety pants with their bad-ass swagger, all those tazery implements of torture they get to use, and the license to speed like demons in powerful vehicles... Yeah. They were cool. WERE. My opinion has been strongly influenced towards the negative since I’ve moved to Oregon. In New Hampshire, I had friends who were cops and they were cool & stuff. I've discovered that I don't find cops quite so likeable here in Oregon. Why? Because I’ve discovered that Oregon cops are evil. And after a lot of dogged, 'legitimate' research and data crunching, I think I’ve discovered the fundamental reasons why this is.

Well, the statistics speak for themselves.  The reason comes down to these simple statistics to start:

Police per-capita in New Hampshire: ~ 2.2 officers per 1,000 people ~ 2,900 cops.
Population: 1,300,000
Persons per square mile: 139.0
46th largest state in the country. 9,351 square miles.
= cops that are somewhat affable and who know people.

Police per-capita in Oregon. ~ 1.5 officers per 1,000 people. ~ 5,700 cops
Population: 3,800,000
Persons per square mile: 38.6
9th largest state in the country; 98,386 square miles.
= uniforms full of concentrated evil.

Summarizing just those statistics alone, you can see that in Oregon, there are 2.9 times the number of people than there are in NH. There are only 2 times the number of police than NH, oddly. And Oregon is about 10.5 times the size of NH. Add in the rain half the year and the crappy roads and I’m thinking I can see why these overworked, tired-of-driving all over hell guys are 100% evil.

A 'scientific' study of the distribution of Police officers around the respective states:



Similar distribution patterns emerge.
Outlying communities, you're on your own! 
Incoming out of state traffic... Look out.

 NH Police, general daily cases and challenges:

• College kids using pot.
• Disturbance at Dunkin’ Donuts.
• Lost pets and seniors.
• Speeders.
• Directing traffic around construction sites.
• Directing traffic at the pumpkin festivals.
• Moose-car collisions.
• Massachusetts drivers.

Oregon Police, general daily cases and challenges:

• Meth labs.
• Pot growers.
• Heavily armed hoarders.
• People on shooting sprees
• Landslides and fallen trees
• Recovery of hikers/climbers/Californians lost in the wilderness.
• Speeders.
• Unlit highways
• Catastrophic car crashes with fatalities and sometimes involving wildlife.
• Rampant drug-related homocide.
• Bears and cougars
• This guy:

• Domestic violence calls involving weapons.
• Californian drivers.
• Washington drivers.
• Granolas driving Subarus.

Crime rate comparison using 2009 data:

		Violence	Property	Murder	Rape	Robbery	Aggravated Assault	Burglary	Larceny Theft	Vehicle Theft
NH		30,738	28,624	10	400	455	1,249	4,928	22,572	1,124
OR		123,255	113,511	85	1,168	2,461	6,030	19,377	84,265	9,869

.... further proof that Oregon cops might have good reason for being major jerks when dealing with the public.  I mean, let's consider that there aren't even 2x the number of cops in OR that there are in NH... and look at the disparities between the volume of crimes committed in each state. And we're not even talking emergencies like floods and rescues and all that other crud, or are we even looking at traffic infractions... we're just talking full-on crime here.

Other factors contributing to general cop grumpiness in Oregon:

NH: 1 Dunkin Donuts at least every square mile in densely populated areas, and at least one in pretty much every town.
OR: Only a few Krispy-Kremes in the whole state, and a general lack of any other nearby donut franchises or shops.

NH: Cop shoots skeevy guy who looks like he's reaching for a weapon in an elevated situation. Guy shouldn't have reached into his pocket screaming 'I have a gun!' RIP--natural selection. End of story.
OR: Cop shoots skeevy guy who looks like he's reaching for a weapon in an elevated situation.  Public becomes outraged because cop isn't clairevoyant or able to diagnose mental illness on-the-spot. Cop is fired.

No Excuse:
Morally, none of them should be jerks at all when they get to drive *this* bad-assness every day.

Yeah, high-speed chases and such are dangerous and scary.. but Hello.... CHARGER! Charger with crash-bars and low-profile LED lights and kickass hawtness. Of course, the real evil cops might be the ones freezing on the motorcycles, or the ones stuck driving the old Crown Vics and SUVs. If that were the case. I'd be really pissy too.

THEREFORE: Oregon cops *are* evil.  But I probably would be too if I did their job. AND I'd be forced to wear polyester... which that in and of itself can induce homocidal tendencies. 

Today is also St. Nicolas's day.  YAY! I miss that very much.  

A Saturday Oregon Outing

I have been tossing around the idea of setting up a full 'Regency Retreat' weekend sometime in 2011 for the Oregon Regency Society and any other folks who are interested in participating. It's been a project I've been dabbling with for a few months. I thought about 2010 first, but realized that the Jane Austen Society of North America were having their big shindig up here in Oregon in 2010, and I didn't want to compete with that event. They have folks coming from all over the country for their yearly general meeting... they'll host a ball and have folks in costume all during the event. So I thought the following year, I'd offer an event that is all-regency, all weekend and offer workshops, like lace-making and embroidery... sewing, penmanship perhaps, and all number of lovely activities; and I have wanted to find a setting that would be at least a little bit appropriate, with lots of garden space and relaxing features to make it worthwhile for participants.

So on my hunt for retreat centers, I found Menucha. This place is in my top three of possible venues for the retreat. The other is Cedar Ridge; whose owner never followed up on my query by sending the requisite information; and the last is the Chateau at the Oregon Caves, which is really cool because we can rent the whole lodge for ourselves... the only downside is that it's clear down near the California state line. I'm still working on it.

I'd been meaning to check out Menucha for months, but each time I arranged for a viewing, something would come up and I couldn't go. I think the manager got impatient with me, frankly. So Saturday, Hubby and I, on some weird whim, got in the car and decided we finally wanted to go see Crown Point. I've lived in Oregon going on seven years and I've never been to Crown Point (not to mention other 'must-see' locations like Crater Lake and such), I know, ridiculous. It's really not very far from Portland at all. I was surprised how close it was to our neck of the woods too.

Oregon's History is young. It's earliest settlement was Astoria--a tiny city on the mouth of the Columbia River where it opens up to the Pacific. This settlement; hugely Scandinavian by heritage appeared smack in the middle of the Regency period, very early 1800s--just around the time whem Lewis & Clark came tromping through to see the coast. I'm too lazy and uninspired to research it all, frankly. But Oregon does have a few nice little 'historic' spots that feature the state's incredible natural treasures. Oregon, and much of the Northwest goes 'big' on things. The trees are taller, the rivers wider, the volcanoes soaring... it's a place where nature is generous in her heapings of beauty. The Columbia Gorge is one of those really awe-inspiringly beautiful spots. And you can get a really great view of it as the Columbia leaves Hood River and winds its serpentine way towards the Pacific, meeting with Portland and the Willamette River as it does.

It's a huge river, and the dams on it provide much of the power for the NW and not to mention California (those moochers). Crown Point sits over a cliff on the Oregon Side (the opposite bank of the river is the state of Washington). It's a little round observation house, screamingly art-deco, that sits on a loop of the switchback road that that clings to the side of the steep hill.

The view is breathtaking.




They have a little gallery and shop and such inside... and hubby thought I was crazy when I got more excited about the lovely 20s walking jacket and suit; and the boots! So pretty.



On our way up, I noticed that Menucha was right near the point, so I called to see if I could get a quick look-see of the facility.

It was wonderful. So far, I'm thinking Menucha might be the place. Its proximity to Portland, its beautiful, peaceful setting, the spaces available (one is particularly pretty)... We shall see. Hubby captured some really pretty pictures of the day, including two from Menucha's gardens which I adore, the flower and the bumble-bee and the cool nasturtium leaves.

Prius Love.

I guess, if the writers of South Park are right; we will be having to contend with 'Smug-Emissions' up here at the Hungarican Hut from now on. For you see we have broken the Jeep trend and gone out and bought ourselves a mileage-positive vehicle at last. Our Jeeps have racked up the miles.. and it has come time to start thinking about replacement. To replace them with something that gets only 17-19 mpg would be unconscionable for both our wallets and our Carbon footprint considering our daily commute.

Hubby was also getting worried that I'd end up with a broken-down car and he wouldn't be around to help me with it when he's traveling. So this morning, while we were enjoying breakfast at the cozy cabin in Welches, we decided today was the day we'd go down and 'look' at Priuses (Prii?) and possibly the Insight if there was a dealership nearby. Of course we never go to the Honda dealership. We stepped on the lot at the Toyota dealership, looked briefly at the very pricey 'pre-owned' ones, and then were duly assaulted by a hungry car salesman.

We figured that the 'basic' package Prius was almost the same price as the used ones; so what the hell, if we're going to go for payments, we might as well get the one with 52 miles on it, as opposed to the one with 21,000. It was touch and go there; when we were sort of waffling on whether we should just jump in for the whole hog, or play it pragmatic and do all the requisite research and dilly-dallying at other dealerships, and possibly miss our $1,000 discount and possibly the car we had pretty much picked. It only took doing some basic math to figure out we'd be stupid not to choose this model for a new vehicle. Just parking one of our Jeeps and using the other and the Prius would pretty much pay for two thirds of our monthly payment in fuel savings.

We were sold after we did our comparison. We made a salesman at a cricket-quiet dealership very happy I'll wager. So our impulse buy came home with us, and we just got back from a pleasure-ride to Hood River (which we averaged 52.6 mpg for the trip btw), where we walked the shore and watched the kite-boarders on the river and then had dinner at a lovely restaurant in town, where we sat in tables on the sidewalk with our dogs under our chairs.

We just got home. I'm pooped but exhilarated. It's my first new car, and it's jet black and I adore it already. I found this little blurb on Wikipedia that amused me:

Former CIA chief R. James Woolsey, Jr. drives a Prius because of its low fuel consumption. Woolsey noted the volatility of the Middle East, coupled with anti-US sentiment in much of the region. Noting that the high percentage of oil drilled in the Middle East gives vast profits to Middle Eastern regimes, Woolsey believes that it is a patriotic obligation to drive more efficient vehicles. In a Motor Trend magazine article, Woolsey claimed that those oil profits find their way to terrorist groups like al-Qaeda, meaning that Americans who buy inefficient vehicles would, in effect, be indirectly funding terrorism. "We're paying for both sides in this war, and that's not a good long-term strategy," said Woolsey. "I have a bumper sticker on the back of my Prius that reads, 'Bin Laden hates this car.'"

Call me smug, or a tree-hugger or whatever else you like. As you make your admonishing remarks, I will be quietly smirking as I recall the display in the car showing me my average of 48 mpg city. ::smug:: Laugh it up fuzzball. ::heh:: Isn't he cute tho? Looks precious in the driveway, all glossy and reflecting my leafy oasis. ::swoons::

The good thing is that it's Friday.

OMG, these past two days have been insane. Wednesday, I discovered that my vehicle had a coolant leak. So, I left work an hour early to get my car to my local garage to fix it. The owner of the garage is a REALLY great guy named Chris (Mt. Hood Auto & Tire). He offered me a free loaner-car, because he knew that I had a hellish commute and a job to go to, and since Hubby's Jeep is under the weather too, I can't drive it.

So I dropped my car off after work on Wednesday, and the owner gave me a 1998 Mazda MPV with 228,000 miles on it. It's a good car, he said. It drove to Seattle and back only recently. So all I had to do was to bring it back this afternoon with gas in it. It worked like a dream Thursday.

This morning, just barely off the mountain, on Rt. 26 when all of a sudden all the dashlights turn on. Check engine, airbag, oil temp, you name it. The radio also cuts off for a second. So I start looking for somewhere to pull over, figuring something is about to happen. I pull off into the parking lot of a place called Calamity Jane's, and the whole car just turns off. It's not even 7:00 AM. It's freezing. I call work to tell them that my loaner vehicle has just broken down, and then leave a message with Chris. "Hey Chris, I'm at Calamity Jane's and I don't think this Minivan likes me very much. I think I made minivan and soccer-mom jokes one too many times yesterday."

I called AAA, who told me Purdy's was going to come and get me. They were; no lie, diagonally across the street from where I was broken down. However, the truck was at home with the driver. He finally gets to the office at 8:15; he goes inside to do something, and then crosses the street, arriving at 8:25. My toes feel like little ice-cubes. He is kind enough to tell me to get into the cab, where I crank the heat up to broil, and bask for a while.

8:50; we pull into the Mt. Hood Auto, and all four guys who work there including the owner come outside to apologize and share in the humour of the situation. I spy my poor Jeep, its hood agape, bits of its motor on the fenders and resting on the ground. Poor baby! The guy working on it wants to show me what he's doing, and Chris comes in and says to me:

"Stephanie, I'm so sorry. Please take my car to work, you need to get down there."

The guy gave me his personal vehicle so I could commute to work and get my job done. Wow. I felt terrible, and so did he. So the guy working on my car engages me a minute or two more, and I come out and my training books and CD cases have been transferred into his black 4Runner; his keys taken off his chain and added to mine. Yes, the Toyota logo looks wrong on my Jeepy key chain, but frankly, I'm so glad it's there.

Every once in a while the small gestures make the biggest impressions. Chris is my hero. I will take my car there any day now.

I got to work at 10:00. I'm leaving early to insure 1) that Chris gets his 4Runner back in one piece and 2) that I get my Jeepy-Jeep back in one piece. I'm so lucky I have a job where this stuff can happen and things can be flexible.

So despite the stress, it's still a Happy Friday; however I'm afraid I have no office special drawing for you today. I have to finish my work on this shortened day.

Happy Friday all. :)

Mr. Hurried.

Every morning I see lots of things on my long commute. I recognize a variety of cars that share my route. I see lots of people who wait reliably every day by bus stops, and people who walk most regularly to and fro. There are a few that intrigue me.

I've already discussed my affinity for Crazy Asian Guy. I've been missing him a lot this year. He drives down the hill most of the time, I catch him as he is turning around, the yellow bus already through the light. I miss him.

However there is another intriguing character that I see every morning; once again, a denizen of 92nd Avenue.

He's a silver-haired gentleman; not old by any means, but his hair is silver. He is very... prim. By that I mean he has a very conservative, almost British look to him; I swear, a bowler hat would not look out of place on his head. He carries an umbrella, which he uses as a cane when it's not raining, and in cooler months he wears a black or camel trench-coat (depending on the day) that looks very large on his lean frame.

He is always dressed quite immaculately. A nicely fitted suit, shirt, tie, shiny black shoes... and he walks along 92nd towards Sunnyside with a purposeful air, eyes locked firmly on the ground before his feet, his pace quick and most determined.

He has a nice face. A quiet face. The sort of face you'll see atop his slight body, huddled in one of the couches at your local bookstore, little oval glasses pointed at a book you're probably likely not likely to pick up; with a title like "The Evolution of The Trebuchet and Other Ancient War Machines". He seems shy. He seems meticulous. He seems interesting.

I wonder every day what he does. Is he an attorney? An accountant? A Kaizer Permanente Administrative person? Where does he end up at the end of his hurried walk? Where does he emerge from? Is it a tidy space with everything in its place? Does he have a little egg-cup, plate and a coffee cup drying on his dish rack every morning, the crumbs from his toast carefully swept up into his napkin? Are his pencils all the same height? Are the ends chewed? I think not. Is he lonely? Is he married? Does he have someone to kiss his cheek and smile at him? I don't know. But I want to. I sort of feel... connected to him. Like I should wave to him with a smile of recognition if he should happen to look up-just because I feel like I want to know who he is. But that doesn't happen, he always looks down, and scurries along, his umbrella gripped firmly in one hand, and his thin briefcase swinging in the other, his coat whoosing against his pumping legs.

What's his story, I wonder?

Grey and rainy and tired of driving.

It's one of those days today. I've been on standby most of the day just in case I need to run out and do some rain sampling. It means I've got all these projects up in the air, and I have to keep from starting anything because I may have to just drop it and run. Blogger is also being naughty today and giving me problems with uploading my picture and even just adding a simple post.

I have no specific, cruel or critical rants today (how gauche of me...). The mornign was so rife with things to mumble and grumble about that I just gave up trying to list them all in my head. I guess my chronic grumpyism is caused by my long daily commute, and my need to go out into the mud and rain to take rain samples. ::blurgh::

I also confess I was a mean driver today. I just had no patience for the obstacles people were creating all around me. Two people had to lean on their horn for a quarter mile while flashing and cursing me, just to vent their frustration for my cutting them off. Oh well. They do it to me on a daily basis, and I don't get my knickers into such a twist about it... if I did I'd be committed by now. I realized today that I don't see other drivers as people, and rarely, with all their prolific antics, do any of them in particular stand out or are memorable. They've just become a collection of obstacles between myself and my destination, obstacles that to hinder me; obstacles that try to slow me down or speed me up to their liking. Obstacles with no consideration beyond themselves, obstacles that like to talk on phones, text and apply cosmetics while driving. They are my bane. After 4 years of driving 2 hours a day among them; I've started losing respect for them as human beings and perceiving them as just things that are in my way.

Not good. I've started fantasizing about mounting a large Gatling gun on my hood. That would be so awesome. Just like in those shooter video games, just obliterate them off the road.

::leans back, and her eyes roll dreamily upwards, a whimsical smile crosses her lips::

Awesome.