High Anxiety; an Autumn Fun Update!! W00t!

The Hungarican Chick is a mental case. Well, you probably already knew that, if you follow my blog. Mommy issues, whining, grumpiness; it's all there. The whole gamut. But the last couple of months have been a bit of a wild ride for me.

Alex's first pony ride of the day, yesterday. He is fearless.

A few weeks ago, I was standing in the bedroom, folding laundry while hubby stowed everything where it belongs. We were going to finish up that task and go to bed.  Out of the blue, I felt three powerful palpitations in my chest, and my consciousness seemed to waver, my knees buckled, and I nearly fell over. My hands and fingers went numb and I felt like I was going to pass out. I could barely breathe.

Riding on Grandpa John's shoulders.

My husband saw this and immediately became concerned. And of course, I, being as I am, began to let all the worst-case scenarios flitter through my brain, until these weird episodes kept happening in waves. Tingling limbs, bursts of adrenaline. The best way to describe the feeling is this: Imagine you did something really horrendous and got away with it. You stole something, or cheated, or hurt someone, or something really terrible. Imagine that nobody knew, but if you're a normal person, this would weigh on you, this bad thing, and every day, you would be paranoid. And then one day, someone who is closely connected to this bad thing, and who stands to get you in deep trouble, comes up to you and says: "We need to talk right now."  Imagine what you would be feeling. A tightness in your chest; your stomach ice cold, your skin tingling from the adrenaline. Utter, complete horror, physically terrified.  This is what I felt. All the time.

We decided to go to urgent care, so I climbed into the car, and with escalating anxiety my symptoms magnified. Dan called 911 and the ambulance met us at the end of our street.

So much to look at and see, it was hard to get his attention.

So, an anxiety disorder has cropped up. Out of nowhere. Now mind you, we're not without stress, we have lots of it, but even with my disthymia, I still could cope with it. I don't know what snapped, I really don't. But my ability to withstand copious amounts of stress has been badly impaired.  Now I am on medication they used to give my brother for anxiety, and have been prescribed Pristiq; something that apparently works well as an anti-depressant for veterans with PTSD.  Yay. Back on medication again.  We ran out of the anxiety stuff the other day, and it only took a day for the waves of tingling cold to come back.  I don't know if this is for the long haul, but for someone who worked so hard to cope and function without medication, this is a deep disappointment.

I won't lie though. The Pristiq started off rough, I was nauseated a lot, and tired for the first two weeks taking it, but now, emotionally, I feel pretty good.  I still feel tired a lot, I'm hoping that will normalize at some point.

First of three hay-rides. This one was with Grandma & Grandpa.

One of the most valuable benefits of being on this medication is that one cannot nurse a child when on it. So I used the retreat as a way to start the weaning process. I left that Thursday morning sans nursing, and Alex has been weaned since. FINALLY!!! Thank god, because he is nearing two years old and it's TIME. He was starting to beat me up.

So yes, I'm a mental case. I'm a bit iffy about driving when I am in my dizzy phase. But hopefully that will go away.

Another pony ride. Because tears and grandma. Spoildy. Cried when I took
him off the pony.

So... onto other subjects. Alex is going to be two this November. Can you believe it? I haven't had a chance to plan his birthday with all this loony-tune craziness, but I plan to do so in the next couple of weeks.  This Thursday is our ninth wedding anniversary too.

Naturally, the aftermath of the day.

Yesterday, we went to Kruger's Farm on Sauvie Island to pick pumpkins with Alex. The last time I was there, I was eight months pregnant, and miserable.  Yesterday was such a wonderful time. Alex rode ponies twice, he rode the hay ride three times (he would have stayed on that thing all day, if he could have).  We picked two pumpkins (Alex did), and ate roasted corn on the cob and caramel apple, and had a grand old time with Grandma Linda and Grandpa John.  Obviously, I've thrown in some photos of the past few weeks along with this update.

My cutie pie.

It was the first time in weeks I actually looked forward to going out of the house. The retreat was a tough exercise for me. The six and a half hour drive alone was hard enough, but being social and outgoing when I was dealing with the anxiety was really hard. I managed though.  But yesterday, it was okay. I dealt with the crowds and the activity pretty well. I was tired, yes, but I didn't feel anxious, and that was good.

Nomming corn.

I'm going to be working on writing and finishing up some books before December. I have another table at the Portland Comic-Con in January and I want to have some more stuff to add to the table. I'm sharing the table with another author, so it'll be fun, fun, fun.  I think Alex may stay with grandma during the day this time. It was really hard on him last time.

I'm sorry to those of you that don't like 'all about the baby' photos. It's hard not to post photos of my kid when he is the center of my horizon. He is so beautiful to me. I hope with this medication that I will be doing projects again, and working on some costume stuff. I plan to do a tutorial on how to do a dormeuse cap.  Those will come, I promise.

That's it for now. Thanks for following me, guys. Sorry I've slowed down so much. I hope that maybe this medication will take the doldrums away. Happy Halloween!

The Ikea Open Robe

Yes, the ORS 2014 Retreat approaches, which is all the excuse someone needs to add to one's regency wardrobe. The last retreat I attended was in 2012, while I was pregnant. I had absolutely no new garments during that time, I was too busy retching and sleeping to do any of that. I may not be making an entire wardrobe, it's impossible in a single month, but I am making a few new pieces to enhance my existing trousseau. I am also taking the opportunity to flush out old pieces and refresh things.

Lovely floral pattern, delicate and broadly tessellated.

This project started as a used duvet and pillow sham set from Ikea.  Specifically, the 'Alvine Blom' set, which has a late georgian style pattern that is really quite perfect for costuming. Their being 100% cotton doesn't hurt either. :)  I saw them for sale in the 'For Sale in Sandy' page on Facebook, a local garage sale site.  She wanted ten bucks. So getting a queen-sized duvet cover with two shams was perfect. I went for it. There was only minimal damage to it, a small tear in the seam, so no big deal.

So I began by draping the pattern for the bodice... or more precisely, the lining of the bodice. As usual, I had to test out how I wanted the seaming on the back. My plan was to do deep en-fourreau pleating inside the back piece, and also on the front panels of the open robe, so I would have to know where to pleat and then cut.

Pinning the fabric to the dress
form to start. 

Figuring out where my en-
fourreau back will lie. A few
sketched lines.

I'm fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants in many of the things I do, from my writing to my sewing and hat making. I've always been this way. I once received a back-handed compliment once from a lady who attended fashion-school. She said: "I wish I were more like you, Stephanie. You just throw yourself devil-may-care into projects, and just do them however you please, and I have to analyze and think about everything before I start the project."  As much as it was a snarky thing to say, it's true. When I see something I want to make, I just figure out a way to make it. I'm too flighty and distracted to do proper research. I'm too focused on the vision to care about obtaining the outcome.

Laying the fabric over the front, I now match the shoulder to the back piece which has been cut out and pinned
to my form.

I never learned formally how to drape. I just started draping. I didn't even know the word 'draping' applied to making patterns on dress forms. And I had no idea I was making slopers. In fact, I had no idea the word sloper existed when I started this stuff. The first time, I draped a gown (my infamous green one), I did it with plastic bags and tape.

Checking my drawing against the cut piece on the back to
make sure they line up.

Drawing the armscye 

Pinning, drawing and aligning, with an X to cut out the
armscye

Classic example of Stephanie style
winging-it. The breast on the dress form is
in the wrong place for Regency. I just
eyeballed where the front of the bodice would
end. It wasn't correct ultimately. But it is
lining, so no tragedy. 

I just do whatever I can to get to the goal. Oftentimes, I'm disappointed, especially with my drawing. I imagine up an image, and when I put the pencil, or paintbrush down, it's not what I envisioned most of the time. I'm too hurried, and too eager to get there to actually slow down and figure out how to make it just right.  So I'm like that with costuming. I see an example of something I really like, and I just throw myself into making it. I don't look up en-fourreau techniques, I just do it how I think it's done. I know next to nothing about hat making, I just make a hat in the way I think it needs to be done. In the end, I've learned something, the ups and downs, the hard way, by choice, apparently, and it either is a win or a lose, but next time, I am a little the wiser.

More lines and experimenting.

The front panel ended up being too short. Not a tragedy, since the front was draped and stitched into shape over
the lining anyway.

Once the lining was cut from fabric sans sharpie marks, I pinned the back in place, leaving the two side-fronts off, and then started pinning the fabric onto the back with the pleating as I wanted it.  Now unfortunately, the memory card I took the series of photos with for this process decided to go corrupt on me. I'm not sure why. It's kind of pissing me off, since it was the few times I actually bothered to take pictures. But it really wasn't easy. The pinning of the pleats where I wanted them, that's the easy part. Marrying the back to the sides, that's where the challenge is.  I took extensive photos of the process, the trimming of the back as everything was stitched down, the capping off of the pleats that extended out, and the draping and alignment of the sides and front. The setting of the armscyes, and the addition of a couple of pleats under the arms to allow for some looseness on the sides.  It really wasn't ALL that different from the ruched gown, really except the wider pleats into the back, which left pleats that needed to be extended out underneath the sides, capped off and trimmed. You can view that linked post for some drawings on how I did the work on that gown.

Mind you, I hand-stitched the whole thing, so it took a great deal of time, mostly done in the hours after Alex was in bed, and sometimes as late as three in the morning. But I got it done.  Here it is without the sleeves on it:

My first gown with a major train,
Besides the one I made from my
wedding dress.

more detail on the back

The pleats on the front panels.

I have this gown that was made for me by Miss Nora of a Baronet's Daughter Designs, a whim on her part, to make me a simple white round gown. I love this little gown. It's super versatile. I wore it at Topsails and Tea, on the Lady Washington, and the lovely ship left her indelible mark on me. Well. On my dress. My wide carriage made getting on and off the ship a bit troublesome, and it made me run my skirts along some freshly tarred lines.

A sweet little gown with nursing panels
and some sweet pin tucks.

The tar stain is mostly gone, surprisingly. Who knew that goo-gone
would be the trick. I scrubbed it with the goo gone, and then tossed
it into the wash.  The stain is on the back of he skirts.

A simple drawstring round gown. Perfectly good for use with an open
robe. Nobody needs to know about the Lady Washington's little act of mischief.

 Paired up with the round gown, I have a nice ensemble to wear for the retreat.

A lovely drape on the train.

A detail of the back, far from perfect, but still pretty.

Looks like my dress form is standing in a hole. LOL. I have her set a bit
lower than my actual height.

 That's the latest project. Onto another! I'd like a new gown or two if I can before the retreat. It's so fun to sew again. It's a bit slow-going doing it by hand all the time, but still, it's satisfying, less messy, and oddly, better-fitting for some reason.

UPDATE: A couple of pics of the gown being worn by chubby moi. This was in December at the Jane Austen Birthday Tea at Ainsworth House & Gardens in Oregon City.

Huckleberries, hats, projects and Fort Alexander

Huckleberries are in an abundance I've never seen here before.

It's been a while. I've been away. And by I, I mean the normal me, and by away I mean, I've been a little bit lost.  Being at home feels sometimes that I have no direction. I have begun to experience the crumbling of my sense of self. I have healing moments when I emerge from my cave to spend time with my friends, but not enough lately to keep me from being a grumpy Hungarican.

A douglas squirrel is beeping at me!

But summer is here, and Alex, being the outdoorsy kind of kid, has forced me to come creeping out, shielding my eyes from the rays of the sun, my pallid skin reluctantly absorbing the sun and producing vitamin D enough as to give me a little boost.  I hate summer, but I probably would be under the bed mewling like Gollum if I were not forced outside. I swear.  Oy.

I am trying to keep myself creative. I've been focusing more on writing lately than anything else, but I am slowly transitioning back to the applied arts, thank goodness.

Alex helps me pick huckleberries.

And\by helping, I mean eating them.
They're very tart, but he eats them.

First, I uploaded my vast collection of office and non-office specials (these are drawings, for those of you unfamiliar with my penchant for drawing on my lunch break at my previous employment). I have installed them at ArtPal, an awesome site where one can purchase prints in various forms, from a simple rolled print to a full-on printed canvas; with frame, matting, etc. So please do visit (and buy!). My non-working status has made our finances very tight, and so I must resort to whatever skills I have to earn a few extra dollars here and there.

Here's a plump one mommy. 

I've also been obsessing with tea-cakes for some reason. Okay, I found an online recipe that is so good, I can't stop making it, and trying it with various berries. So far, I've made it with the recommended blueberries, and with Marionberries, and with Hood strawberries, and even chocolate chips at one point. If I can find good delicious red currants, I'll make it with that too! There's a reason why I've gained back 30 of the 40 pounds I lost with Weight Watchers. I'm out of control! I use breastfeeding as an excuse, saying it makes me voracious, and part of me feels like it does. Just like how I immediately get thirsty the moment the child 'locks on'.  But yet, you're supposed to LOSE weight when nursing a child. It burns calories! Nope, not me. It might, however it probably has to with my penchant for overdoing it food-wise at any given chance. And my complete lack of discipline has derailed my husband too, but he has only gained back 15 lbs of the almost 70 pounds he lost.

We have about five bushes in our front yard area. Two of which
went from five feet to almost eight in one year, and they're just
exploding with berries.

I will get back on Weight Watchers if it kills me! After seeing photos of myself at the most recent ORS picnic, I am now doubly determined! Damn it!

So to begin this new resolution of disciplined eating and healthier foods, let's talk about this tea cake recipe! It's SoOoooooo good. I make it so much. I made it for a neighbourhood 'block party' last weekend, and made it again this weekend for the picnic.

Top: Marionberry tea cake
Bottom: Standard Fruit Tart
My spoils to share at the neighbourhood block party.

Just a brief moment or two of picking huckleberries yielded what I needed.

Here are the basics: 

Cream together: 1 stick of softened butter, 3/4 cup of sugar, and one large egg, and 1/2 a teaspoon of real vanilla extract. Mix until fully blended.

My friend Stephanie II gave me her old Professional 600 KitchenAid.
I am so happy! ::lovelovelove!::

When the butter, sugar and egg are smooth, then go to the next step.

Sift together: 2 cups of flour, 2 teaspoons of baking powder, a 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Blend for a few seconds then add an 1/2 cup of milk.

Mix until it's a smooth, consistent texture.

I love looking at it at this stage. It's a beautiful, thick (if not sticky) batter.

I recommend you parchment up your pans (use a thin layer of butter to
make the paper stick). Unless you have a particularly deep pan,
I suggest you use parchment on the bottom and also to extend the sides,
or you'll get brown-sugar topping all over your oven floor. 

In go my berries. I doubled the recipe so I tossed in a cup of huckleberries,
and a cup of blueberries to balance out the tartness of the huckles.

Then add 1 cup of your desired berries. Blueberry is really great, but you can use any kind, really.  This time, I doubled the recipe so I could have 1 tea cake for home and 1 for the picnic at Pittock Mansion. I also blended one cup of huckleberries, and one cup of blueberries.  I blended the berries in on the slowest speed for only a few turns so the berries didn't get smashed to bits.

Alex dragged his rocking dolphin out
to the kitchen to be there with me while
I baked.

Weeeee!

Almost looks like Christmas.

This is a heavy, sticky dough, and not the most pleasant to work with. You have to plop it into the pan and spread it evenly. I find a common butter knife to be the best tool for the job. The silicone scfaper things like to hold onto the dough too much.

Now, onto the topping!

1/2 stick of butter cold and cut up.
1/4 cup of all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
pinch of salt
and 1/2 cup of brown sugar.

All the necessary ingredients are gathered along with the balloon whisk.

Run it at a medium speed for a minute, or even two or three, until you get
this texture.

Sprinkle liberally on your cake(s)

 Bake at 375 for 35-45 minutes (use a toothpick in the very center to determine if done, it should come away with no batter).

Let cool enough so you can remove them from the pan. With the parchment,
it should be a simple task. You can peel away the parchment and allow them to
finish cooling on a rack.

A sumptuous cake, perfect for tea or coffee. And addictive so beware!

While I baked these babies and they filled the house with their amazing aroma, I decided to pick up that false-start project of the spoon bonnet I aspired to make using some cheap paper-lace hatting I found at Mill End for cents a yard. I had been daunted by the project when I started hand-stitching it, so I threw it aside and forgot about it for a few years. No, I'm not kidding. Then I just got a wild hair on Saturday. I decided to attack it, but this time, just give in and use the machine. So when Alex went down for his nap, and the cakes were baking, I sat down and just started sewing around and around, pinching little 'pleats' into the hatting to shape it.

Running the machine with the arm off the edge of the table made maneuvering
and shaping much easier.

Hatting lace, which I initially thought was raffia, is actually just paper. So
no biggie if it fails.

The gold lace to finish it off.

Soaked, shaped, and left in the sun to dry.

It was quick, using basic white thread and a zigzag stitch.  I achieved almost a flower-pot, cloche shape.  I trimmed a good wedge off, folding it flat and cutting a neck-access for it.  I then sewed the cut edges down with one course of the hatting strip, and then edged it all with a gold lace before folding the bottom back a bit to widen the neck access. It created a great spoon shape to accommodate an updo as necessary.  I wet it all down to lock in the final shape, tugged here and there to adjust things, and set it in the sun to dry.  Et voila. A genuine spoon bonnet. My husband says it looks like Andy Cap's flat cap.  Oy. His comments on my projects, sometimes ::wags fist menacingly::.

Yesterday, I attended the seventh annual Pittock Mansion picnic, and I arrived laden with things promised to a variety of people. I said on Facebook that I felt like a summertime Santa, carrying her ho-ho-hobag. Yes, I'm classy like that. Anyway, let's see, what little things did I create and bring?  Well, I made another Dormeuse cap, which I did in just plain white organdy with lots of decoration around the band.

Cynthia models her commissioned dormeuse cap. She had requested
off-white trim on it, but with the particular ivory tone of the off-white lace I had,
it just looked dirty. So I opted to go all white, with a band of poofs, rosettes and a bow
in the front.

I also made another dolly, commissioned for the lovely Miss Theodosia, who wanted a red-haired version of Caroline. She requested that she be unclothed for Miss Theo intends on making the dolly a lovely trousseau.

Miss Caroline's scandalously independent and fiery, ginger haired cousin did not
wait about Johanesen Cottage to be dressed in inferior togs. She threw a mere scrap of a shroud around her
delicate shoulders and whisked herself away to live with Miss Theo, where she is sure
to have the finest attire any lady could ever desire (only AFTER idling an entire afternoon
in the gardens of the mansion in nothing but a slip of fabric! Scandalous!)

I brought the tiniest set of stays I've ever made for a Miss Lily, who was to wear stays for the first time.

I think a single gusset on each side ought to suffice.

Yes, these did actually happen. They are minuscule.

And finally, I brought a tracing of the stays pattern I created long ago, and customized to work with my very, very large bust.  I will be tracing this pattern again, probably neatly, we'll see, and I will be scanning it and posting it up with the rest of my patterns to sell soon enough! I promise. ::hur!::

FORT ALEXANDER

Weeks ago, I presumptuously set up a GoFundMe campaign for Alex to have a play set.  Okay, I know, it's obnoxious isn't it? Asking friends to buy my kid something this big and decadent when our finances are in the toilet and we're scraping by.  But you know what? The stress of everything is getting to us all, and Alex feels it. And his happiness is our happiness, so I did it. I trawled my friends for cash, I panhandled for funds, so I could give my kid a good, happy place to play on our property, which is otherwise quite unsuitable for outdoor play.  We still have to furnish it with a nice soft footing (it's mostly on gravel right now, eep!), but at least with us close by, he has this great place to go during the day, where he can deplete some of that never-ending child energy and get some great exercise! So I am enourmously grateful for the contributions from my friends and family for this play set. The donations were enough to get the set, and Dan picked up Friday and busted his ass building it all weekend, finishing late Sunday night, dehydrated and exhausted by the heat. He ended up being sick today because of it. :(  But that's fatherly love for you. And this morning, Alex was able to play on his set for the first time, and I cannot describe how excited he was. He played after breakfast, lunch and dinner, and he cried when we brought him inside. Outside! he cried standing by the door before bedtime. Nope, Alex, tomorrow you can slide on the slide.

Happy hardly describes it.

Is this really all for me?

Yep. Happy.

This is my fort.

This afternoon, Daddy felt good enough to clean up
the tools and paraphernalia and to help Alex on the slide.

So much awesomeness.

Peace out for now, folks. :)  Buy my prints! Buy The Wizard King!