I guess with this pregnancy…I won’t lie, this pregnancy has
been extremely difficult… my tolerance for stupidity and the ridiculous has
been reduced to nothing. My creativity,
also, has taken a dive, and I haven’t done much of anything artistically,
costumey, or bloggey. I’ve been missing
a lot of time at work, and have been working towards going on leave because I
am pretty much non-functional the better part of the day. I start to find some
semblance of normalcy around 2 or 3 PM in all truth, and it seems to be getting
worse. For a while, I had just migraines, but now I have migraines and I’m back
to retching again. Add onto that, at 22 weeks, the heartburn has escalated to
the point where I feel like I’ve imbibed some battery acid for the fun of it
because I have this innate desire to spend the whole night in agony.
The good side? Baby is a boy. We found out at 19 weeks. He’s
an active little nugget, and has taken to doing his best Michael Flatly
impression inside my womb. What I love about this is that before I could feel
him, I lived in a constant state of anxiety. After so many years of not getting
pregnant, so many disappointing pregnancy tests, I guess I always expect the
other shoe to drop, and would chew my nails for every ultrasound, crossing my
fingers that the heartbeat would be there, and the baby would be okay. He was. Now, I can feel him ‘being okay’.
When he’s Riverdancing on my spleen, I am well assured that so far, he’s doing
fine. In fact, at this moment, he’s
round-housing my ovary.
So there it is. I’m still pregnant and am more than halfway
through the process of growing the baby (hubby sometimes turns to me when I’m
being obstinate or bratty and says: “Just grow the baby!”. He is very excited.
Another good thing is I continue to lose weight, in spite of
the growing nugget inside me. Hopefully I won’t gain a shite-load of weight with
this pregnancy. I eat badly, but only in small amounts, so that’s probably the
reason why I’m still dropping pounds in spite of eating crap that hasn’t
crossed my threshold for decades… like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and canned
Campbell’s soup.
Other than that, my existence is mostly confined to my home.
I did get out a few weeks ago to my sister’s house to go visit my horse. He
looks good, and seems settled. Sister is taking very good care of him. That’s it.
I have however, as I stated, been really short-tempered with
people I usually have a lot of tolerance for. Oh well.
I’ve been especially annoyed by people who are whiners, over sensitive,
self-absorbed and know-it-alls. I’ve
gotten so much unsolicited advice from people who probably should not be giving
advice. I’ve had people criticize my dietary choices, but who are completely unable
to lose weight themselves yet are endowed with unending knowledge about what’s
best for me; I’ve had people tell me how to raise this child, and their child
is a notorious heathen.
I’ve been ignored mostly by my family with this pregnancy,
only my sisters have really expressed any interest. Satan is marginally
interested, mostly because 1) having a grandchild will gain her attention at
the senior home, and 2) it’s a boy, which is what she wanted all along, and was
quite sure to inform us girls of. She in
fact went into a litany about this when I brought her over to eat mussels a few
weeks ago—she complained in none-so-many-words that I was somehow undeserving
of the honour of having a male child. Yes, I wanted a girl, but this little boy
is as loved and wanted as can be, and I sure as hell will never make him feel bad
for being something other than a girl.
Anyway, another thing she did was to spout off to her blabbermouth
friend that I had better not expect her to watch the baby all day. As if! My
mother is about as nurturing as a cuckoo bird, I would rather gnaw my own arm
off than leave this child in her presence for more than twenty minutes—and never
alone. She was acting like this one day, and then she snapped at my
sister-in-law because Jessica was excited about the new baby and apparently in
my mother’s world, Jessica has no business even breathing in this baby’s
general direction. God I really dislike my mother sometimes. She was so rude to
Jess who was so genuinely happy.
My eldest brother and his family didn’t even say
congratulations, but I suppose it’s to be expected since the only time he’s
called me in the past seven years is because he accidentally pocket dialed me.
The time before that, was to call to tell me that he wasn’t coming to my
wedding after all, and to promise me a wedding gift that he never sent.
::shrug:: Oh well. I got into a fight
with them recently, and his wife defriended me on facebook (boohoo) and he’s
been posting passive-aggressive comments on my posts. He dislikes that I’m
left-leaning and really dislikes that I’m an atheist. He’s always been really
condescending to me about my choices (in the four times I’ve ever had an adult
conversation with him) and has always sought to ‘school’ me about my choices.
He has never really been a brother to me at all, I’ve met him about as many times
as I have fingers on my hands… I’m not kidding, he’s my half-brother and he is
much older than I am. He’s also been pretty much absent from the family for
pretty much the duration of my lifetime, and completely uninvolved with
anything. He held a lot of resentment towards my father apparently for a bad
childhood. I can understand him disowning my mother though. I wish I could. Yet
oddly, I’m the one pretty much stuck with her.
I guess I’m just done with people who don’t really know me
very well making judgment calls about me, and that includes my brother and his
wife. It also includes people who have
been an annoyance to me for a long time, and who I now just don’t care if I
humour them or not anymore. I was told yesterday by someone that they didn’t
want to speak to me ever again; but seeing that I had to hide her Facebook feed
because her posts were so irritating and sometimes gross, it really doesn’t
make a difference. I apparently offended her. And if you’ve been following this
blog even a short time, you know how little respect I have for easily offended
people. Personally, I see people who are quickly offended as bullies. They are trying
to control how other people express themselves so that they don’t have bruised
feelings, and it is so wholly self-absorbed to expect everyone to walk on
eggshells around them. Good god. Then they cry victim when someone lets them
have it.
And the thing that started it all? This is really funny…
Apparently a really sweet friend of mine posted a picture that had some joke
about vegans or meat eaters or whatever. I wasn’t aware of the controversy that
ensued about this image, but my friend was pretty much made to feel so shitty
for posting a joke, that she felt compelled to take it down. She was pretty
much bullied to take it down in a really passive-aggressive way. Of course, I
didn’t know this … all I know is that my friend posted that she’d removed the
post and felt terrible for offending someone. I told her she should not feel
bad, and that she should not feel compelled to remove anything from her wall
for the sake of some sensitive whiney brat. It wasn’t anything she could do to
keep someone from taking offense at something that is ultimately and WHOLLY
ridiculous. It was then that the woman who apparently raised the stink jumped
all over me, calling me mean, and accusing me of glorifying my meanness. It was
hilarious—but it also pissed me off because all this drama about restricted
diet was at my nice friend’s expense, and that selfish woman who started it
turned it into a circus for no better reason than to call more attention to
herself and how special she is I guess.
I have no patience for shitty people who hide under the guise of victims
while expecting the world to bend backwards to accommodate their overly
sensitive nature. I have a hard time
feeling any empathy or sympathy towards people who* demand* and *expect* it
from me rather than earn or deserve it. I don’t care how bad your situation is,
if you live to be treated specially for your personal issues, you’re a selfish
dolt. I was sexually abused as a child...
I don’t get all pissy when someone posts a pedobear joke on their wall and
browbeat the poster until they take it down.
My brother is developmentally disabled, I don’t humiliate people for
using the word retard… why? Because I’m pretty sure that post is NOT ABOUT ME.
Obviously this woman has a hard time making that distinction because apparently
*everything* is about her. Don’t post anything criticizing people with dietary
restrictions or you’ll get relentless, lengthy missives in your comments until
you can’t stand it anymore and you feel compelled to retract your post to make
it stop.
She made an complete spectacle of herself and then blocked
me. ::eyeroll:: My feelings are so hurt. I’m so offended. ::shakes head and
chuckles:: That sort of defensive response to something is really telling though. Extremely telling. It ultimately reveals that
person for what they are. Insecure and self-absorbed.
Am I mean for saying this? Not in the least. I’m not mean at all. I’m truthful, harshly so sometimes. In general, I’m extremely nice and pretty freakin’ tolerant of a lot of drama and stupidity on the most part. I am also one of the most understanding people you’ll ever meet. But if you cross the line, are obnoxious to people who don’t deserve it, if you lead people astray because you think you know better, take a nebulous, generalized issue and focus it down onto one person, or who take your drama to my threshold, or the threshold of someone I care about who is too nice to defend themselves, I’m going to be honest with you and I’m going to call it as it is. It’s as simple as that. And if you cry offended over stupid shit, or take something personally because you feel guilty because there’s truth the generalization, that’s your god damned problem and I’m not going to humour you for it. It’s as simple as that. Life is too short for that shit. And I’m not going to expend any precious energy at this time humouring someone to spare their over-sensitive feelings. I am an expert at being polite and considerate and I am extremely diplomatic, but I am not stupid or easily manipulated… and I sure as hell won’t be browbeaten by some self-important whack-job.
Am I mean for saying this? Not in the least. I’m not mean at all. I’m truthful, harshly so sometimes. In general, I’m extremely nice and pretty freakin’ tolerant of a lot of drama and stupidity on the most part. I am also one of the most understanding people you’ll ever meet. But if you cross the line, are obnoxious to people who don’t deserve it, if you lead people astray because you think you know better, take a nebulous, generalized issue and focus it down onto one person, or who take your drama to my threshold, or the threshold of someone I care about who is too nice to defend themselves, I’m going to be honest with you and I’m going to call it as it is. It’s as simple as that. And if you cry offended over stupid shit, or take something personally because you feel guilty because there’s truth the generalization, that’s your god damned problem and I’m not going to humour you for it. It’s as simple as that. Life is too short for that shit. And I’m not going to expend any precious energy at this time humouring someone to spare their over-sensitive feelings. I am an expert at being polite and considerate and I am extremely diplomatic, but I am not stupid or easily manipulated… and I sure as hell won’t be browbeaten by some self-important whack-job.
::sigh:: I feel better now. It’s probably best I’m confined
to my house right now on the most part because I just have no patience for this
sort of crap these days. Petty, whiney, hypochondriac, classless, oversharing narcissists…
no thanks. I’ll stick to people who are not so self-absorbed that they don’t
think everything that’s controversial is about them, and who can take a prickly
subject in stride like an adult, and laugh it off with a sense of humour and
objectivity. I’ll take the worthy souls
who are worth my time, energy and caring—who don’t expect it, who don’t demand
it, but who earn it with depth of character. In other words, my friends.
I’m going to go and find some chocolate now. Nom! I’ll post
some ultrasound pics tomorrow.
2 comments:
I don't see ultrasound pics yet!!!! *hint hint*..because thats whats really important..you know
I think your family all need a kick in the crotch with an accompanying nut cracking sound. You are terrific!
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