Food Network stars... really?

I got into a lively discussion with S-II after a lunch today about the merits and lack thereof in some of the Food Network’s ‘star chefs’. And let me tell you, there are a few I despise… with the fire of a thousand suns… and some whom I adore. But let's talk about the ones I cannot bear at all first...

Runner up on my “Should Be Shot Into The Sun” list: Rachel Ray

I CANNOT STAND Bobby Flay. He’s an arrogant *$^%!#. Aside from the fact that he cooks my least favourite style of food… the guy is just a cocky jerk and really, a bit of a ass. Humble? Not even in his vocabulary. I mean, let’s just look at the premise of his throwdown show; that alone shows how huge an egotistical melon head this guy is.

“Oh, hello there lady or man whose carefully hewn famous dish that has been perfected enough to earn them a successful business and helps carry on a family legacy of good, wholesome, delicious food; I’m Bobby Flay... and I know your dish has earned its own standing in your community, its own level of fame, it’s something you are very proud of, and it’s something that is helping you and your family achieve success; but guess what? *I* CAN DO BETTER!!!!! I’ll bring in some judges to PROVE IT. Because I’m so great I have to prove it by attempting to trounce anyone who’s earned their own salt even without $80,000 in culinary training.”

Seriously? J……… E……… R……… K………!!!!

Okay, there’s so much to annoy me that I couldn’t possibly list it all here… but let me just point out the key annoyances that make me despise this detestable creature:

1) That 2-packs-a-day voice.
2) “E.V.O.O.” I mean really? JUST SAY IT, IT TAKES JUST AS LONG THAN TO USE A BLOODY ACRONYM!!!
3) “Yum-o” ::::::sigh:::::::
4) Has a cooking show about cooking from cans and boxes. College kids cook from cans and boxes. I wouldn’t be surprised to turn on FN to see her making grilled cheese with an iron saying: "Add some EVOO and sprinkle it with dried parsley and Yum-o! A classic Italian time-saving dish!"
5) The gratuitous cleavage.
6) Her mere existence.

FN Stars I can deal with:

Alton Brown

S-II and I disagreed on some levels about this guy, but I am firm in my liking of Alton Brown. S-II thinks he’s annoying and ‘in-your-face’. Yes, he’s quirky and weird, but I see him as the Bill Nye the Science Guy of Food Network. Geeks deserve some weirdness license. He’s geeky and odd in his presentation, but I love Good Eats. It has taught me so much about cooking and the science behind it, and he has that sort of humour I grew up with… that very weird, in-your-face sort of quirky bizarreness. I like Alton, and think he’s great. He’s really knowledgeable but not arrogant about it. Just goofy.

Duff Goldman

So, the cakes are… okay. They’re not spectacular. Some of them are just bad, some of them are beautiful... but it’s not the cakes that I like… it’s Duff. He’s just… real. He’s funny. He’s goofy ,and I really like the atmosphere of the workplace and the people that work for him, they’re all really cool people. He’s not really cocky, he’s not pushy or self-absorbed. I admire that about him. He keeps himself real and humble—despite the cameras.

What Food Network stars *should* be like but never will:

#1 on my “Should Be Shot Into The Sun” list: Bobby Flay