Monday, August 29, 2011

Talk about incentive, huh?

Miss Pomme-de-FatAss
My dressage saddle had been languishing at a consignment shop in North Portland for months. Nobody is spending money, and I’m sure if I’d put it on ebay I would not get at all what the saddle is worth. It’s a good saddle. But my butt has grown too voluminous for it (it’s already too big for my all-purpose saddle) and it’s time I got rid of it. I don’t compete anymore, nor do I bother with the mussy fuss of dressage anymore (I’d probably get kicked out of competition anyway ‘cause I’m too fat!).

Yeah, I’m on a ‘I hate me’ bender. I’ve been vacillating between 24 and 27 lbs lost for four weeks straight, in spite of following the rules food-wise. Really irritating. And here I was thinking, hey, I’m doing great, I’m losing weight... until YESTERDAY. Yesterday, a pile of us from the barn threw our horses into a little convoy of trailers and went up to a park where we could do some trail riding. While I waited for the slower folks to get ready, Tag and I decided to take a nice little walk around the large arena they have set up there. Unfortunately for me, one of the rider’s mom had a camera and she took a picture of me.

I confess, this picture has been the cause of one of my worst cases of demoralization I have had yet. I look like a potato. I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all! I have a huge double chin, my thighs are HUGE and I’m so wide!!! On top of that, a lady asked me what kind of saddle I had, and when I told her, she told me it was too small for me. I’ve had this saddle for over 20 years. Yeah, my ass has expanded significantly since I got it, but it still felt like she punched her fist through my chest and ripped my heart out. OF COURSE IT’S SMALL... MY BUTT IS GIGANTIC! ::facepalm::

Of course, I saw that picture after the trail ride, so I managed to have a decent time regardless, and at least Tag looked handsome. As usual, he was complimented by so many passers-by. He’s my baby boo. I’m sorry he has to haul my massiveness around sometimes, even if he is strong enough to carry three of me—I still feel bad.

L-R: Nicole walking her horse like a big dog, Cozy, Emily, Danielle and...
Um.. Nicole's mom (always forget her name)
Anyway... So this really serendipitous opportunity came up. I was googling around and found a wide-tree sidesaddle with a largish seat (for Mrs. Potato), and the asking price was exactly what I am asking for my dressage saddle. So I ventured a risk and asked the seller if she would be willing to trade for another saddle of the same value.

She asked me quickly what kind of saddle, and I told her a nice black German dressage saddle, and I could almost hear her squees across the country. So the deal was made and our saddles are wending their way across the country to one another. I’ll still need to buy a balancing girth, and Tag doesn’t know squat about crop-aids, but since I’m so damned fat, and my legs won’t fit into the saddle yet anyway, it will give me time to get my ‘kit’ together and to start planning for the habit and whatnot.

It’s been twenty years since I’ve ridden sidesaddle. This is going to be interesting. ::Hah::  Anyway.. a horsey update.


1 comment:

Summer said...

Wow, that's more negative self talk than I've seen in one place for years! I hope you can feel better about yourself soon :) It's sad to hear how unhappy you are with your body. It takes care of you, ambulates, is self-healing. I wish I had a healthy body to hate for how it looks, rather than how much it hurts.


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