Happy Friday! And Birthday Not-So-Blues!

February 22 will mark the beginning of my 39th year on this planet. They have been 39 very interesting and varied years. I've lived in a variety of places, and done many things. I've gained much experience, I've had hard life-lessons, successes and failures... grown and evolved as a person, and changed quite a bit. I have loved, I have lost, and I have loved again. I have however... always hated my birthday. It's a month that usually brings on a depression for me. I have always been whiny about how my birthday has been an afterthought to those who are in my life... it has bothered me for years. I'm a huge baby about it.

Those of you who have followed my blog and who know me personally, know very well what last year's birthday was like for me. It was the birthday to end all birthdays. It was the advent of the destruction of the whole year of 2009. It was HORRIBLE. I am not exaggerating.

Thanks to a new and wonderful friend, however, I don't forsee a birthday of abject tears and solitude, or one of watching Xena reruns alone while putting away an entire bag of cheetos and wallowing in self-pity, or wondering if my marriage is over. My birthday whining has guilted one of my dear BFFs and the otherwise known 'Steph II the Evil Pastry Chef Who Doesn't Update Her Blog' into taking action. I mentioned to her about not having a cake for years, and my whining spiraled down from there. I told her about the forgotten birthdays... the birthday when my mother actually bothered to make a cake, but my brother put his whole hand in it and eaten the massive chunk before I got there... the birthdays where I had to remind people, and was treated like a last-minute burden... the birthdays I spent alone feeling sorry for myself while seeking comfort in food... the birthdays where I got 20 puzzles from my classmates in some last-minute scramble on my mother's part for a party... the birthdays where not one mention of it went by... The birthdays of being invisible and not mattering. It was a real poor-me-fest.

In part, Steph II stealthed around as best she could and arranged this:

Mind you, she couldn't really stealth to the last moment, because I'm the one who has the massive ORS member email list... and she needed me to use it. So I was clued in a while back. But I still have no idea what to expect. It's the first event I will attend where I haven't been sticking my nose in to some extent or other.

I'm going to be honest. I'm sort of... at a loss. I have no idea how to react to this. I feel like it's wrong in some way that all this special attention is being paid to me, and then that whiny selfish person inside me is so excited I could explode. I'm freaking out a little bit... what if I act like a total dork? What if I'm not effusive enough? What ... OMG, someone's throwing ME a party! HOLY CRAP! I've never had a real fuss made before. I've seen other people have fusses made over them--I'm good at making fusses... I've helped with surprise parties and other things like that... but never once have I had someone do something this special for me. It is emotionally crippling in a way... because I have no basis of comparison... no idea what is going to happen. Am I going to blubber and cry like an idiot all night? I dunno--knowing me... I might. So embarrassing! I wonder if Steph II is going to make me a cake? TEE HEE!

I resolve to take it in stride... to just try to smile and not let my heart swell out of my chest and for the tears to flow too much. I'm such a dork.

Anyway... some famous folks I share my birthday with:
Drew Barrymore.
Ted Kennedy. :(... RIP
George Washington.
Steve Irwin :(... RIP

The real question is... Can I crack out an entirely new costume in 10 days? Only time will tell. :) SQUEE!!