Wednesday, September 7, 2011

No for now.

So, we’ve been told that we pretty much do not qualify to adopt a child from the state. There aren’t that many kids, apparently, and there is a glut of 200 adoptive families competing for them. And those 200 adoptive families apparently have a lot more going for them than we do; disposable income & whatever other things she (our social worker) determined. The fact that I had taken therapy in the past also has come back to haunt me. I *could* have just not bothered to have my psychologist from two and a half years ago send in the form at all. But for the sake of honesty, and to prove I’ve taken positive steps to towards working with my depression, I asked my doctor to help out, and that has bitten me in the derriere.

The social worker walked into our house with a negative attitude from the start. She sat down to interview us and asked us one question. Just one. Why are you trying to adopt through the state? Our reply was about fertility issues, and the fact that we are not able to go the traditional adoption route and her response was: “The DHS is not a program set up for people who can’t afford to adopt through private agencies.” I found that statement to be well... insane. How does our affording it or not have anything to do with our motivations? She also said that our continuing to try for pregnancy also was a reason for them not to consider us... so people who are trying to get pregnant, are pregnant or who have other kids can’t adopt? I’m not getting this. She stayed less than twenty minutes. She said “It’s not a no, but it’s a no for now,” and she got up and walked out.

Talk about being crushed. After having our hopes lifted up by the DHS trainer who put us through certification training, the social worker came in and pretty much squashed them—and in the coldest, rudest manner possible. It was really insulting, honestly, to have someone who knows absolutely ZERO about us make a decision based on four emails, some generic forms and less than twenty minutes in our presence with one interview question on the table. There’s no consideration that regardless of our not living in a cookie-cutter McMansion housing development with five cars and a boat, we are perfectly capable of providing a loving, nurturing environment for a child. There’s no thought put into how much we were committed to the process. There’s no sense in this decision. We might not be perfect, but we are perfectly adequate—and I believe that it was unfair to just dismiss us and I resent having my motivations put into question, or be treated as if we had less than legitimate intentions.

Anyway, I spent my long weekend trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing. It’s tempting to let the depression run with this decision, and to fold myself up into a fetal position and cry my eyeballs out, which I am often tempted to do when things are painful. But I can’t do that. I’ve got to force myself to move forward. I’ve got my husband to hold onto. I’ve got things to focus on. I need to working on the things before me. I have the ORS retreat to sew for (and hat-patterns to finish). I have my sidesaddle project and habit to look forward to. I have a book to finish. I have my weight loss to focus on. I have to just take on that time-tested attitude that what is meant to be is meant to be. If we are meant to have a child, it will happen to us in one way or another. It might not be in adopting a child through the state of Oregon, who knows?

So that was my weekend. I was busying myself lamenting that while marathoning Star Trek Voyager. At least one good thing came from the weekend; and that is my weight has finally started to move again. I reached the 29lb mark on Monday (but it’s back up to 27lbs today). The 30lb mark is a big one; I can’t wait to hit that mark. Another good thing discovered this weekend was the existence of a sugar-free bakery with the most delicious cream puffs (HUGE cream puffs) for only ONE WW point. Seriously! One point! They also have éclairs and cake and cupcakes and cookies and candy... some ranging rather high point-wise and others being ridiculously points-cheap. Yay I say!

I’m not sure if I talked about Tag’s stupid injury, but yet again, Tag has managed to acquire an injury that is taking forever to heal. He had it already during our trail ride that I posted about earlier. It’s a large sore on his foot, but it isn’t causing any lameness. He had this 55-gallon poly drum in his stall with part of the side cut out to act as his feed trough. But as my horse likes to mess with things incessantly, he battered the drum-feeder with his front left hoof until it cracked and then proceeded to get his foot stuck in the fissure and scraped off some of some old scar-tissue he had on his foot (probably from a similar injury in the past), leaving a gross gaping wound on his foot just near the pastern above the coronet. But it didn’t end there. I tried to bind it up and bandage it, but that didn’t work. He pulled the bandage off. I put a bell-boot over his bandage and he tore that off too. Then on top of that, the wound must have been itchy because like some obsessive dog, my horse began to chew at his wound whenever he’d torn the bandage covering off. So last week, we had to buy him a muzzle. Yes, I’m serious. Tag is wearing a giant muzzle. He is also bandaged up to the knee. Dumb horse. And so I face another few weeks of lost riding time thanks to a wound that won’t go away.

Anyway, Saturday, I took my newly acquired sidesaddle with me to the stable to see how it fit him. The tree is perfect, but it requires reflocking (re-stuffing) underneath the seat in the panels, and I have to find a way to lengthen the over-girth which was about three inches too short. I also need to find a custom balancing girth that’s 54-56” long. It will take a little tweaking before I’m actually sitting in the saddle, but it’s going to work nicely. It’s a good size for him and the seat is a good size for me. It sits on him well, isn’t too long for his body and the tree lies nicely against him. I’m so pleased with this trade. I feel like I totally scored. Comparable saddles are $1000-$1300. The leaping horn is adjustable, which is nice. I’m debating even bothering making a habit yet, because of my shifting weight at this point. And I still have some work to do before I ride him in earnest with the sidesaddle. The saddle itself needs modifications, and the horse itself needs some groundwork and some saddle work to prepare him.

Other than that, and a forest fire burning north of where we live, little else has happened. The long weekend was peaceful, in spite of my feeling downtrodden by the social-worker’s visit. I haven’t been very creative lately, but I’ll try and get back on that wagon soon. Once the oppressive summer heat passes, I’m always a happier person. Happy Wednesday all. :)

Here’s a long movie of Tag loose in the arena, making me run around as much as I made him. :^D As always, I’m loud because the camera is right up by my face, so turn down the volume if you don’t want to hear my stupid giggling.


Theodosia Rowan said...

Good for you for keeping a positive outlook and moving forward with your goals!

Summer said...

I'm sorry to hear your bad news. It sounds like you got a bad social worker for your home study.
Hooray for focusing on positive things!

Charlotte said...

Wow, what a horrible way to be treated. I'm glad so many people want to adopt, but still... she could have been more pleasant about the whole thing:(
But yay! you're sooo close to 30#!!!


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