I'm home every day with my child. He is pretty much my entire life. And these days, he is the only thing keeping me from losing myself all together to this anxiety and depression issue I've been inflicted with lately. It's really hard. I think this both controls it and contributes to it. My sense of self sometimes gets shaken, and my ability to have a creative outlet; such as writing or drawing or whatever else, is inhibited by having an active two and a half year old boy.
Part of me thinks I need to work again, that I need to get out of the house, and have structure, but nowadays, the mere idea of leaving the house can have me suffering from what I call 'flashes' of completely unjustified terror. Spurts of adrenaline that make my chest compress and my brain sort of short-circuit. I have to stop and breathe, breathe, breathe. Is this a function that will disappear with a job, or will I be impeded by it? Deprived entirely of normality? Many of my regular readers know what an unapologetic control freak I am. Now imagine my brain doing something like this however it wants, and my having absolutely no control of it. It's infuriating and frankly, miserable. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Even a libertarian ::snicker::
|81/365 - My little man's foot. Small and cute.|
|82/365 - Ziggy Zags|
|83/365 - Cuddles|
|84/365 - Lots of my kid in this grouping.|
Lashes behind lace.
|85/365 - Oregon's main source of nutrition.|
Coffee. Evidence of Oregon's
addiction; the empty sacks.
|87/365 - Tokens from my baby|
|89/365 - Hubby brought home some treats|
|91/365 - Auntie Nee made a brief visit to the PNW. She got in some time|
with her nephew, who adores her, and her mom.
|92/365 - Blurry but sweet. Some kitty cuddles.|
|93/365 - Hearts are open|
|94/365 - Pre-Easter cuteness|
|95/365 - Morning egg hunt at home|
|96/365 - The boy looks good in my specs.|
|97/365 - Realized the other day, that except for a couple of days during pregnancy|
because of swollen feet, I have worn these toe rings continuously since 1998 or 1999.
I pretty much forget they are even there.
|98/365 - the saute pan|
|99/365 - Simon says pet me|
|100/365 - cozy quilt|
So yeah. My pictures are Alex-intensive lately. But that's what this project is all about. Capture your life and the things that catch your eye. Next installment will bring us close to a third of the way through the project. Number 101 is awfully cute! I won't be so debbie downer next time, I promise. Just having some medication adjustments that are making things challenging for me. I also have a project in mind that I may begin if I can find someone to help me kick off the hardest part. Laterz from the HC.