Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Marriage.

By general standards, I am a newlywed. We've been married for about three and a half years. It is my first marriage.

We have a good marriage so far. I think our both marrying in our thirties might have a lot to do with that. Of course, being human we have our trials and tribulations. We quibble over the little things to hide the bigger thing beneath. And we struggle with the stress of this long-distance marriage. It’s been hard.

But I cannot separate myself from the notion of how valuable it is that he is my best friend. All of the distance, the solitude, the grumbling aside; he is the person I am most comfortable with in the world. He is the person I trust the most in the world. He is the person I love like no other.

I miss him every day. When he’s home I don’t have time to sweat the small stuff; to dwell on the little nagging demons that plague every human being in life. When he’s home, I’m more at peace with myself. I'm selfish. I want that peace.

Field jobs are cruel things. For the sake of livelihood, we have to send our spouses away to pay for a home they’re not occupying. I wonder sometimes if it’s worth it. Are responsible decisions; retirement, and the financial freedom to perhaps start a business or improve our lives worth the sacrifice and the solitude, the resentments and the emptiness? I don’t know. These jobs can be hard on a marriage; especially when it’s a young marriage where the couple still actually likes one another. ::tee hee::

We are mature. We are friends. We are able to be composed and objective on the most part. We do slip, and we do have bad moments, but I really believe we’ll be alright.

I always feel that way after I see him come 'round the corner from the arrival gates, and come through security. Anything that is worrying, everything that is wrong is gone when I have his arms clutched around me and I’m kissing the face I’ve missed so much. It’s important to remember that when it gets difficult to live life without him there… It’s important to know how right it is when he comes back.

I’ve always been an independent soul, and I had always reveled and thrived in my solitude before I met my husband. It’s different now. I miss him terribly; being alone is so hollow. I think that’s a sign that we have a good thing.

But I wish he were home.

3 comments:

A Day In the Life . . . said...

How bittersweet. You are a strong person, deary. I couldn't handle your situation with the grace that you do . . .
Just think, there are couples who spend nearly every waking moment in eachother's presence who can't stand one another, or who don't have much of a relationship at all. . . you are right to focus on the great relationship you have with your Hubs, because I think its a rare jewel in this difficult world. :-)
What is that saying about how it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all . . . or something to that effect? Hmmph

A Day In the Life . . . said...

Never mind. The self is the least of it. Let our scars fall in love. ~Galway Kinnell

Lauren said...

That was a beautiful post. I am praying for you guys as your going through this difficult time. You are such a strong person :-) You guys will be just fine.

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