Thursday, April 9, 2009

The good things I will miss...

I've been dwelling too much on the negative things lately; harbouring my anger for all the injustices and the cruelties I've seen in the last few weeks. I've been forgetting the important things, the things that made things good... the things worth remembering... the things that I will miss most.

So I wrote them down to remind me... when I hear the cool cast of his voice, or I get an email that is particularly defensive and angry... I wrote them down so I can see him in a caring light, and keep him in my heart when everything seems so horrible.
  • The “Just Because” flowers.
  • The way he played with the dogs.
  • The occasional bagel and tea on the counter in the morning.
  • The smooch on the top of my head.
  • His smile.
  • The way he made me laugh like few other could.
  • His laughter.
  • His tenderness.
  • His playfulness.
  • His compassion.
  • His meatloaf and potato salad.
  • His soft-spot for animals.
  • His robot dance.
  • Long, lingering hugs.
  • His face.
  • His kiss.
  • His friendship.
  • The sound of his car coming up the driveway each night.
  • The comfort of his warmth beside me.
  • His gentleness.
  • His soul.
  • His goodness.
  • His generosity.
  • His sense of humour.
I realized that I am grieving him as if he has passed away. I feel as if he went away one day a few months ago, and he hasn’t returned; that some horrible trajedy occurred in the field, and that the person who came back is someone completely different; a stranger, who is cruel, and uncaring, and who looks at me with hard, cold eyes and speaks without warmth or compassion.

I feel like a widow.


Anonymous said...

It would probably be easier if he were dead because you wouldn't have to deal with hhim being mean and cold to you. men suck

99% of them are cheating lying pigs.

storybeader said...

I am so sorry I wasn't there were the walls came tumbling down. I feel horrible! Know that I come by, and that people are out there that care for you. (word verification: confer)

Anonymous said...

I think it is these times that give you the perspective on what and who's important, and it's paramount that you harken back to this pain when times are good. Because that helps us to remember that there's always valuable gain in our hands that we treat like chaf.

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :-( I'm here for you.


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